Today, I need to vent about three things that hork me off. They are pet peeves to be sure. It seems like most people go about their daily chores ignoring these particular things, but they are so mind bendingly irritating that they must be discussed.

First of all, let me start off with a phrase that has bothered me from the first time I heard it.

Pet Peeve one:
“That’s a Mute Point
It's murder all right. Butchering the english language.
Does that not send chills down your spine?
“Mute point.”
Ugh, the first person to say that wrong is probably long dead by now and they deserve it. The word is moot, ladies and gentlemen. Not Mute.

I’m sure that some of you are scratching your heads right now thinking, “Moot? That’s silly. There’s no such word.”

I have heard the arguments before, folks. My wife was a believer in Mute Point for a long time. It took me forever to convince her that Mute Point is wrong, and even after I did, it took her even longer to get out of the habit of saying it wrong anyway.

Here is how the argument generally goes:

Me: “Actually, it’s pronounced ‘moot’ point.”

Other: “Pfft!”

Me: “No, seriously.”

Other: “But that makes no sense. Moot isn’t even a word.”

Me: “Yes it is. Mute is the word that makes no sense in this instance. A moot point is when someone makes a point that doesn’t matter. A mute point would be a point that doesn’t make a sound.”

Other: “Yeah, like when a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it.”

Me: “No, not really. That’s a completely different thing and a different argument altogether. Although, come to think of it, whether or not the tree makes a sound is a Moot Point.”

Other: “No, no. It’s Mute Point. I’ve heard it that way all my life. It means something like, ‘This discussion doesn’t matter so let’s silence it.’ Kind of like how we should Mute this argument. Besides, Moot isn’t even a word.”

Me: “Moot means meet. Originally a Moot Point meant ‘This is a point that we need to hold a meeting about.’ But the meaning has changed so that now it means ‘This is a point not worth meeting about’.”

Other: “Mute point sounds better.”

Me: “No it doesn’t. It’s totally wrong.”

This kind of conversation can go on for hours. It should end when I open up the dictionary and prove I’m right. But often that just leads to this response.

Other: “Hmm . . . . I’m still going to say mute point because it sounds better.”

Me: “Don’t make me slap you.”

If you still don’t believe me, look Here or Here or Here or Here or Here

Now that you are completely convinced and will never say that phrase wrong again, let us move on.

Pet Peeve 2:
Body Odor
My nightmare

One of the things that bothers me the most is when I am going somewhere minding my own business and someone attacks me with their body stench. Sometimes at the store,(Walmart is the main culprit) it takes my breath away. It’s like this person reached into my nose and punched me right in the back of the sinuses. Often, it’s all I can do not to gag.

I am giving homeless people a free pass on this issue, because it’s not like they always have a shower available. I am talking about people that have enough money to fill their shopping cart with groceries and stand in front of me in line.

Now I am well aware that the unwashed individual is not entering the store with the intention of inducing mass vomiting. They are just going about their business. I’m skeptical, but maybe they are even so used to their own stench that they can’t smell it. If that is the case, someone needs to tell them that they stink. The asthmatics that are laying on the floor dying may not be able to get the words out. The rest of us are too polite.

I blame this on their friends and/or family members. These people know that their loved ones stink to high heaven. They have to live with them. Why take that kind of pain to others? It’s like taking a rabid dog to the petting zoo and when the police are carting you away after twelve children are bit, giving the excuse “Well I didn’t want him to feel bad at home all alone.”

There are only three solutions to this problem of epic proportions. (Thank goodness I don’t live in Europe.)

Solution #1.
This guy should get paid at least 20 bucks an hour.

If someone really stinks, pay someone to wash them off in the parking lot. (Okay, Okay, make a private shower available near the entrance.) Rent them clean clothes to wear while in the store. (Hey Walmart, Extra cash. Hint, hint)

Solution #2
This guy should be paid 50 bucks an hour.
Public spankings for the family members of the stinky individual. This should discourage them bringing that person along, or at least shame the individual into bathing first.

Solution #3
Guy not allowed in because he stinks.
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Bath, No Service.

Its just two words that I want added to the sign. Is that too hard? They ban people from smoking in the store, cant they ban people from stinking? It is just as harmful to my health. It is even more likely to drive me out of their store.

Pet Peeve 3:
Car Exhaust Fumes
Car Farts Stink

Lately with the cold weather, this one has been bugging me the most. Someone has a stinky beater car and I am stuck behind them in traffic. Their thick black cloud of exhaust fumes bakes a beeline for my car, where my heating system warms it up and pumps it into my nose. It is like 20 below outside so I can’t even roll down a window. I am held prisoner to that car’s flatulence.

Now B.O makes me gag, but this stuff makes me choke. I get headaches and my face gets all red because of how pissed off I am about it.

Now I am hesitant to tell everyone to buy a new car just because their old one is gassy. But if you have the money, fix it!. If you don’t, get a cardboard sign that says, “Sorry my car sucks. Stay back unless you want lethal car fart poisoning.”

Seriously, that has got to be far worse for people’s health than second hand smoke or Walmart B.O. Car farts are deadly.

My car when I get out of traffic.

In conclusion:

In my religion it is said that the Lord will not allow you to be put in a situation where you will be tempted beyond your ability to resist.

So if you haven’t bathed in like a month, and you happen to be stuck in traffic with me as exhaust fumes fill the car, and I start complaining about it, don’t tell me it’s a “mute point”.
If that ever happenned, the Lord himself must want you punched square in the nose. I will wash my hands of the whole thing.

I hate this guy. Look how smug he is with his stinky pits and his stinky car.