Archive for February, 2008


Edgewriter gets political?!?!?

Hah! not really, folks. Just doing some political Lampooning. Since I don’t really love any of the candidates in the race, why not take them all on?

Hillary looks good to Obama
Obama is either sending daggers her way or he thinks she’s HOT. You can almost see steam coming out of his nose.

Obama calling the pigs
Obama at the national pig calling competition. He is right in the middle of a Soooooooie!

McCain Mad
When McCain realized that the media doesn’t love him anymore. *tear*

RIFFTRAX:

My buddies at Rifftrax have decided to help me out on this one. Here are their campain ad riffs. Hilarious stuff and party nuetral. All with commentary by the beloved sage, Mike Nelson.


That Hillary. Always ruining Christmas for everyone.


If only Mike Huckaby was really on the Free Pen bandwagon, he might get my vote.


Obama for change. Now that idea is something I can stand behind.


McCain proves he can take the correct action for our future.


Caucasing is easy. Because even though Bill can’t resist a burger, and some guys can’t help but do the pointy finger dance, it is easy to stand in a locked room with 100 people you have never met for an hour. Huh?

If you liked those, here are a couple “vintage” campaign ads for the California governor race.


The Phil Angelides experience.


Schwarzenegger not a baby.

Update 3/5/08:

Riffrax has a new round of political ads out that are hilarious. Here is a sample:

Check the rest of them out HERE.

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For all the hate and slander directed at America by the rest of the world, they sure seem to love us.

You know they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Well here you go. The following are some of the funniest imitations of American pop culture I have ever seen. It’s funny because they don’t know that they are funny.

Indian Thriller: Unfortunately I hear that this man is now whiter than Michael Jackson.

Turkish Trek:

Too bad their Kirk has one of the worst smiles ever and their Spock just can’t pull off a lack of emotion.

Turkish Superman:

Turkish superman hits like a girl.

Indian Superman and Spidergirl? The musical? Bollywood, Baby!

Bollywood can’t keep away from Superman. This Superman needs to lose some weight and get the symbol right though. The lyrics are kind of naughty too.

Let me know in comments if you come across any more and I will post them here.

Junk drawer #2

It has been several days since my last post and I feel guilty. The thing is that no one thing has sparked my interest enough to do a full article on. And, to tell the truth, that Crispin Glover research burned me out. So I have several small things of interest to compile together in to one big mess. Enjoy.

IceHole Report:

Over the last week or so, it has been just warm enough for the gigantic piles of snow to begin melting, but cold enough that it freezes before it can drain anywhere. So depending on the time of day, there are either deep pools of black water to drive through or long sheets of black ice. Yay Idaho!

It has still been snowing off and on, but it usually melts by the end of the day. Therefore my philosophy has been “Why Shovel?”. Unfortunately sometimes this is a bad philosopy and even though my driveway is mostly clear, my sidewalks are coated in ice. Yay me!

Rifftrax:

Matrix Rifftrax

So lately the Rifftrax releases have been a bit sparse. The rapid pace of one new Rifftrax a week has settled down and it has been one every other week. But yesterday I saw a new short on the Rifftrax Site.

Then on the Rifftrax Blog I read a new interview with Mike in which he said that they had been busy riffing a DOZEN shorts. These shorts will cost .99 on their site and will be fully downloadable via Divx. Now this is big news for any of you MST3K fans out there. The shorts are some of the funniest things that MST ever did and the Rifftrax guys do them just as well.

Here is a MST3K short to wet your whistle:

or two: (With Mellissa Gilbert)

I’m not going to post any Rifftrax shorts because I don’t want to take away their money. Instead I will plead with you to buy some trax on your own so that they will keep making more. I assume that the Dozen shorts they completed will be doled out over time on the Rifftrax site so keep your eyes out for more.

I took their latest one and remastered it to go on at the beginning of my Rifftrax DVD of Star Trek V. Mrs. Edge and I watched it last night and it was hilarious. The short was great and Mike and Kevin’s riffing of Trek was superb. Mike does a great Sulu impression by the way.

The only thing was that they truly seemed to hate the movie. Usually, the jokes are light hearted, but this one reminds me of the Rifftrax of the Star Wars prequels. The venom spewed at Shatner for directing this subpar film is acrid. Hilarious but acrid. It will be interesting to watch the other Trek Riffs and see if they are as intense.

Oh and I bought the Matrix Reloaded Riff but I haven’t watched it yet.

Family:

Doller Pie

The fambly is doing well. Pie Girl has been sick the last couple of days with some kind of virus. She mopes around. Thank goodness she stopped all the moaning when she found it hurt her sore throat. So now it is quiet moping. Thank goodness.

The Doller girl ate baby food for the first time this week. Mmmmmmm carrots.

Carrot face

Now only a tiny amount of what you see actually got down her throat but she seemed happy to be trying it out.

Carrot eating grin

Utah Jazz:

Sorry Girls, no update on Kyle Korver’s girlfriend.

Well, I lied.

Girfriend sighting:

Kyle Korver Girlfriend

Hah! I kill Me!

If the playoffs started today, Utah would have the #4 seed and we would be playing the New Orleans Chris Pauls. That is a pretty favorable situation because we own those losers. Deron Williams always get up to play against his old buddy Christophine.

Misc:

I have to share a site with you guys. It is http://mitchellrose.com/. These are the short films of Mitchell Rose and they are fantastic. Here are a couple of samples. Hilarious stuff.

And I’ll leave you with this one. My favorite.

Jell-O-Riffic

Jello!

Ahh Jello. Doesn’t that make you want to sit down with Bill Cosby and some Coolwhip?

Today’s very serious topic is the Evil Jell-O conspiracy.

In 1845 an unscrupulous anti-cow scientist named Peter Cooper patented a formula for making geletin out of geese bones. He soon traded the formula to would be dictator Pearle B. Waite and his wife Eva for an unknown number of avian animal parts.

The couple created a concoction of Gelatin and fruit flavors combined with mind controlling drugs and began distributing it under the name Jell-O. The dessert was weakly flavored, but effective. Thousands upon thousands of mindless drones bought and slurped the product eagerly.

Jello 1923

But before the Waite’s power became absolute, one knight in shining armor, a man named Francis Woodward, rode the couple down on his white charger and forced them at the tip of his sword to sell him the patent for a measley $450.00. At first things were calm. But the public clamored for this strange substance. It seems that the addictive qualities of this Jell-O, perhaps obtained from the succulent bones of the silverback goose, had caused a dessert lust outbreak.

Then out of the blue, Mr. Woodward’s Genesee Pure Food Company began selling it in amounts unequaled before. It is still unknown whether Mr. Woodward was corrupted by the sheer power contained in the substance or if he was blackmailed into doing so.

In 1904 Genesee Pure Food Company hired and sent out countless legions of Jell-o cookbook salesmen set upon addicting the entire country. These purveyors of geletanic insanity have become known to historians as The Strawberry Flood.

Jello 1923

By the 30’s America was firmly caught in the grip of this fruity confection. But there were dissidents as well. People were angry about the mixing of fruit into an animal based product. Protesters began roaming the streets shouting down the abuse of fruit. These “Fruities” as they were called gathered a large following and became a concern for the renamed Jell-O Company.

To combat the movement the company came out with Jell-O Instant Chocolate pudding in 1936. This intoxicating combination was simply too powerful for the dissidents and they soon faded into obscurity.

That seemed to be the final nail in America’s coffin. The country was set firmly under the heel of the Jell-O conglomerate. They had influence in every branch of the government. They made sure that their desserts were served at White House functions and in the cafeteria of Congress. Their next step was WORLD DOMINATION.

Success was inevitable. By the 60s they were in nearly every corner of the globe. Even Red China was under their spell. Here is a 1960’s instructional video telling the Chinese how to eat it. (This particular video was quickly removed from circulation after they found out that pissing off the Chinese retarded their sales in the area.)

People I am here today to warn you that you have been deceived. The Jell-O company has been allowed to corrupt this land for far too long. Think about it. What have they done to our culture? They taught us that men shouldn’t speak to their wives:

They have also teamed up with space aliens! Look closely and you will see Droppo from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!!

Think people. The drug craze of the 60’s was all part of their designs of the free thinking youth of their time.

If that doesn’t snap you out of your apathy, maybe this will. Watch the most painful Jello Commercial ever. *With more Carol Channing!! Oh and the cast of Hogan’s heroes.*

There. I can see the fog clearing from your eyes. Now is the time to drop the big bomb folks. Now I know that many of you believed that Jell-o was still being made from the nutritious bones of geese, but that is no longer true. Over the years it has changed.

I know what you are thinking. It is now made of cow bones. Hah! You are wrong again. Your delicious dessert is now only 27% bones! The rest comes from cow and pig hides.

PROOF and MORE PROOF

And now I’ll leave you with the most humble performer of all time, Mr. Peter Lemongello. Let his supple voice drive you to revolt against the Jell-o conspirators. Viva la revolution! (Ignore the Pistachio pudding in my bowl)

Scary Crispin Glover

I have spoken to Crispin Glover (Or Crispy, as I will often refer to him.) on several occasions by phone at my work. I didn’t know who he was at the time. His name was a bit unique and sounded familiar, but I didn’t place it.

We spoke for over a half hour on the first occasion. He was ordering something and wanted to get it right. He didn’t seem too strange to me. The next time he called, he was angry. The product he received was not what he expected it to be and he wanted to return it. I guess that with all of the options we had discussed, something got lost in translation. I called him back the next morning to tell him that we would allow him to return it and he became irate. Evidently I had awoken him.

Mad Crispin

Then a year later he called back to order some more. He didn’t remember me I suppose because he was nice, but I remembered the name. That night my wife and I were watched Charlies Angels and as the credits rolled, I saw the name and it all came together for me. I laughed out loud and told my wife what had happenned. I couldn’t believe that I had spoken to George McFly.

Since then I have been interested whenever his name has come up and the more I learn about him, the weirder he gets.

Think McFly Think

Crispy was an only child. His Parents were both actors and they moved to LA when he was five. He went to Mirman School for the academically gifted as a child and went into acting.

He appeared in several different tv shows as a teen but he din’t gain any notoriety until his role in Back To The Future. I think that this is where most of us first saw him.

His quirky portrayal of George McFly was unique and endearing. I think most of us could identify with the geeky outcast high schooler that is preyed upon by the cool guys. Crispy wasn’t the first actor to portray such a role by far, but he owned it. In my opinion, the character of George McFly was one of the best things about that movie.

McFly. What a crack-up!

When the sequels came out, though Crispy wasn’t in them. The story was that he wanted too much money. Crispy says that it is more complicated than that, but chooses not to get too specific on the subject. However, in the second film, the producers decided to hire another actor and put prosthetics on him to make him look like Crispin Glover. This ticked him off. He sued the producers including Stephen Spielberg and he won.

He had his famous appearance on David Letterman around this time:

The thing is that he appeared as the character Rubin Farr from the film he was doing called Rubin and Ed. He was dressed in odd 70’s style clothes and platform shoes and acted very erratic. The thing was, that no one told David Letterman that he was doing this. He came off as if on acid or something (which is still a possibility) and ticked Dave off when he made a karate kick at his head. Dave took a commercial break and kicked him off the set.

What noone knew is that Crispy was ahead of his time with that appearance. Actors do this kind of thing all the time nowadays. When Sacha Baron Cohen did his Borat Film he went on all the talk shows without breaking character as his Borat persona. Will Ferrell does it for his comedic films as well. To this day, Crispy refuses to admit that it was him and not the character Rubin Farr that showed up on Letterman’s show that day.

Rubin Farr burying a cat in the desert

After that appearance, he went into a self-imposed leave of absence from Hollywood. Where he could have used the fame caused by his role as George McFly to land some good high paying parts, he chose to appear only in minor roles in obscure films. Instead he focused on making bizarre records and art books. He claims that he feels guilty appearing in mainstream pictures. Whenever he did show up in mainstream movies, he stole his minor scenes with his manic energy and odd charisma.

Here is a clip from a music video he directed for his album “The Big Problem ≠ The Solution. The Solution = Let It Be ” Warning: Disturbing imagery here. I find it funny, but unsettling. “Clowny Clown Clown.”

Crispy says that his inspirations come from directors like David Lynch and Stanley Kubrick and a bunch of obscure indy film makers that make stuff the mainstream public can’t stomach. His personal works sure show it. If he isn’t fettered by a sane director or script, he goes right off the deep end.

Here he reads a excerpt from his book “What it is and How it is Done”

During his time away from mainstream movies he began work on a feature film of his own. It is a film called “What is it?”. It starts mostly mentally handicapped people and is a surrealistic nightmare. He worked on it for ten years, and used the profits from his film parts to make it. He has not released it in theaters and only shows the film in small screenings around the country where he presents it himself along with readings from his books.

Crispy has recently decided that appearing in mainsteam films shouldn’t make him feel “guilty” because he can use the profits to fund his own pet projects. No word yet on which pets will be starring in these projects. However he has completed the sequel to “What is it?” called “Everything is Fine” That stars a serial killer with cerebral palsy that is irresistible to women in his own mind. He wants to show that even handicapped people can be bad people. Yay.

So having delved a bit into the mind and past of Crispy Hellmaniac Glover, one has to ask. Is he for real? It is hard to say.

Is he putting on a front and is actually an Andy Kaufmanesque comedian, putting on a show with his own exotic brand of humor and laughing at us while we look at him in confusion? He may be. In interviews, he seems to delight in the reactions that people have to his work. He points out how his stuff has spread on Youtube and laughs about reactions to his Letterman appearance, saying that he won’t confirm or deny that he even appeared on the show. Here are a couple more clues to suggest that this may be the case. Link, Link.

Creepy Crispy

Could it be that he is a mentally sick person or on drugs or both? He seems to speak disdainfully of the idea that he is on drugs, but he never denies it. Or is he simply one of those odd independant film maker elitists that create crap just to get a rise out of people because they figure that the only way to be heard is to yell really loudly? I don’t know the answer and I won’t be seeing his self directed films, but I know that I won’t be able to resist enjoying his work in mainstream films.

At any rate, here is one last weird vid. It is a music video for a cover of Michael Jackson’s song “Ben.” Crispy recorded it for the sound track to the Movie Willard that he starred in. (And did a great job in by the way.) Warning: Disturbing imagery and it gets a bit risque. But I can’t help but enjoy his rendition even if the video is bizarrely crappy.

Junk drawer

As any of my regular readers know, I am not a mini-blogger. I don’t post a sentence or paragraph a day. I tend to write essays or large articles. Hence there are a lot of subjects that I have an interest in that I don’t get around to writing about.

So sad

I know. This is a travesty. But cheer up. Today I unleash an ongoing feature where I unclog my mind of a lot of the cool junk that I can’t quite bear to throw away. My mental junk drawer if you will.

I will tackle it within the framework of my regular categories.

Family:

My parenting style is simple. I’ll call it Clown-style. I joke around with my kids constantly. I know each child more than well enough to know what will make them laugh. So this has become my techinque to call situations down. If they are sad or angry, I tease them mercilessly until they laugh about it. The upside is that they think I am hilarious. The downside is that some times I tease them a bit too much.

My wife is afraid that they will end up with issues.

Anyhoo, my latest way to deal with tantrums is “The Monster Face”

making the Monster Face

Whenever I have a child crying about something unreasonable. I yell “Ah! Run away, he’s turning into a monster!”

“No I’m not!”

Monster face

“Then why are you making the ‘Monster Face’?”

“I’m not!”

“Oh yeah? They why do you look like this?”

I then do a crazy impression of the face they were making. This seems to calm them down. Especially when their siblings agree that that was indeed the face they were making.

They have all come to know it so well, they will call each other on it. “Ooh, you’re making the monster face.”

It has gotten to the point where calling them out on their “Monster Face” makes them instantly try to regain control of themselves and calmly reply, “No I am not.”

MST3K and Rifftrax:

Rifftrax has announced that their new project is The Matrix Reloaded and it will be released on Tuesday Feb 19.

Matrix Reloaded Rifftrax

I am looking forward to this one. I love the first Matrix film. In fact it is one of my favorite all-time movies. I also really enjoyed the Rifftrax version of that one. In fact I had resisted having anything to do with Rifftrax until I saw this scene on YouTube.

I almost died laughing during the Kung Fu training scene and I showed it to Mrs. Edge who was also laughing her head off. Thus began my rapid spiral into obession with all things Rifftrax.

So if Mike Nelson and the boys can win me over by mocking the good one, I am excited to see what they do with the second Matrix film that wasn’t nearly as good as the first.

On a similar note, getting into Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic has opened my heart up to other Mystery Science Theater related projects.

Here are a Few of them that have impressed me.

ESPN’s Cheap Seats:

I don’t know how I missed out on this one since it was the only mainstream MST3K related project around on television. Basically the premise is that two brothers work in the ESPN video library and mock old sports related clips.

It is hilarious stuff. The show ran on ESPN Classic from 2004 to 2006 and had four seasons. The episodes have not been released on DVD but they are available through torrent sites. Too bad so many of us MST3K fans missed this one. They didn’t forget about us. There was even an episode of season two where Mike and the bots made an appearance. See below.

Fun With Shorts by Josh Way:

I have never been much for fan fiction or fan imitation of television shows. Therefore I had pretty much stayed away from the MST3K imitators. Something we call fan riffing. But I ran across one of Josh Way’s short film riffs and I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear. And laugh like crazy of course. This is the one that got me.

Josh has done a ton of these public domain short films and you can even order them from him in DVD collections. I have had to seek them all out and watch them. They are great. I would love to see Rifftrax invite him on as a guest riffer.

Check out this one that surprisingly stars a young Darren McGavin (The dad from The Christmas Story)

The Utah Jazz:

As popular as Deformio is on my site, he takes a back seat during NBA All-Star Weekend because he decided not to show.

But we have six Jazz players that are involved in some way or another with the All-Star festivities.

Ronnie Brewer and Paul Milsap participated in the Rookie-Sophmore challenge on TNT last night and it was pretty fun. They were bench players for the sophmore team and did pretty well. Ronnie ended up with 13 points in 17 minutes and Paul had a nice block, but they aren’t really the kind of players that are spotlighted by this kind of game.

milsapjpg.jpg

Our guys are team players. Ronnie can be flashy at times with his athleticism and Thunderous dunks, but these guys are trained to pass the ball and spread the floor within the Jazz system. They aren’t prone to the kind of selfish play that puts you in the spotlight. It was okay though. They looked like they were having fun.

Ronnie Brewer headband

The Dnews had an article this morning teasing Ronnie about wearing a headband during the game. That isn’t allowed under team rules during regular games.

Later today our two rookies, Morris Almond and Kyrylo Fesenko will take part in the D-league Allstar game This will be fun because we haven’t been able to see much of their play this year as they have been in the D-league instead of traveling with the team.

Fes

Morris Almond has been rocking the D-league this year and is the leading scorer. He has had two 50+ point games and one of them was the D-league record with 57 pts. I will update this article if anything amazing happens.

Update: Morris had 20 points on 8-10 shooting. Fes had 14 pts and 8 rebounds. Their team won 117-99

Morris Almond Joy

Deron Williams was snubbed for the Allstar game this year, but he was invited to take part in the Skills Challenge. This is basically an obstacle course for basketball. He is well suited for this kind of event so this should be fun.

Update: Wow. Deron Williams won the skills challenge with a time of 25.5 seconds. Now at the skills challenge, they announced that he had made a new record time but in the morning papers they said that he was one tenth of a second away from breaking the record.

Deron Rules

Then on Sunday, Carlos Boozer will be in the Allstar Game. Again I will update the article if he astounds us.

Update: He had limited minutes but made the best of them, scoring 14 points and racking up 10 rebounds, one of only two players with a double double in the game. Unfortunately he is not Mr. Flashy so the coaches didn’t give him much time to pad his stats.

Carlos Boozer kicks anus

Also last night, Karl Malone made an appearance on Inside the NBA to get after Charles Barkley about making fun of his draft-night suit for all these years. Man I miss Karl Malone. See the hilarity ensue:

Video Games:

I am a big RPG fan. I love all things Final Fantasy for instance. Here are the unfinished games on my shelf:

Fanal Fantasy 12. Ever since I have gotten my Xbox 360 I have not went back and finished this Playstation 2 game. I really need to.

Oblivion. This game rules. I bought the add-ons and have beaten most of the side quests. I have not finished the main quest of the game yet, but I was so burnt out on it that it has been sitting for a while.

Two Worlds. This is a game with so much potential that fell short. I love the play style and many of the dynamics of it but I have never beaten the game. I could probably do so easily but in trying to explore every inch of the game, I burnt myself out on it also. Now if only they release that expansion that is supposed to fix many of the broken aspects of the game, I might be able to get back into it.

Blue Dragon. I just bought this game last week and so far I am having fun with it. It is pretty kind of cartoony and reminds me of the earlier Final Fantasy games. This makes sense because it was created by several of the original Final Fantasy guys. The game is also huge. It is three DVD disks long. I can’t quite figure out why they needed that much space yet, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Mass Effect. I really enjoyed the depth of this game but it felt a little short to me. It was made by the people behind the two Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic games and it has a similar feel minus the lightsabers. I beat it once and have started back through it on the Hardcore setting. Good Game. Looking forward to the sequel.

Deformio’s Dirty Undies

Kyle Korver in Fresher Times

No I am not selling any. Geez ladies.

But according to this morning’s Deseret News, Kyle Korver has been wearing the same underwear for 45 days. Oh you heard me right. But don’t take it from me. Listen to Kyle:

Kyle Korver's Underwear

“I had some friends just kind of go in my closet and grab some stuff and ship it out. But it’s just, like, the little things that you don’t want them digging through … little stuff like that that I haven’t had in the last 45 days. Like … clean drawers.”

Because you know that in Salt Lake city they don’t sell underwear. Maybe an NBA player wouldn’t be caught dead buying them in bulk at Walmart, but SLC has plenty of upscale stores where a Baller could purchase some Shaq-brand silk drawers. Heck Andre Kirilenko’s wife would probably sell him some. Wouldn’t that be preferable to wearing the same pair for 45 days?

Maybe he is just doing it in an attempt to keep the defenders off him. It isn’t working, though. They stick to him like glue. He has to scrape them off on Matt Harpring to get open.

The other thing that Salt Lake is missing is dry cleaners. Actually folks I am just kidding around with Deformio. There are plenty of dry cleaners available.

Here is a list.

City Dry Cleaners – maps.google.com – (801) 466-2241

Henrie’s Dry Cleaners – http://www.henries.com – (801) 328-8789

Red Hanger Cleaners: Stores – maps.google.com – (801) 532-7143

Classic Cleaners – maps.google.com – (801) 355-1725

One Hour Martinizing – http://www.martinizing.com – (801) 466-3010

Kyle they may even restore your old underpants here:

Henrie’s Dry Cleaners: Certified Restorationhttp://www.henries.com – (801) 363-2653

Ok, now you may be wondering why I am savaging one of my favorite players. You see, folks according to that article it looks like Kyle was actually extended an invitation to be part of the 3-point shooting contest at the NBA Allstar game and declined because he still wanted to pick up some stuff he left behind in Philly and didn’t want his friends going through his underwear drawers. Link to same Desnews article HERE.

So our good pal Deformio skips out on the 3-point shootout for underwear? Why? Do we no longer have moving companies in America that a multi million dollar player could afford to use? Maybe there just aren’t any in Philladelphia. Let me check . . . Oh wait:

Kyle Korver Movers

Mambo Movers – http://www.mambomovers.com – (215) 670-9535

Goggin Moving & Storage – gogginmoving.com – (215) 877-7618

Movers by Old City Movers – http://www.oldcitymovers.com – (267) 205-5209

Alacrity Equipment Movers – http://www.hi-techmovers.com – (215) 825-7696

The A-Team Movers – http://www.ateammovers.com – (215) 232-8326

Fox Piano Movers Inc – http://www.foxpianomovers.com – (215) 592-8411

Apioneer Moving Systems – http://www.apioneer.com – (215) 493-8296

Advance Storage Company: Toll Free Outside PA 1-800 523-2723 (215) 765-6500

Extra Space Storage: Philadelphia – http://www.extraspace.com – (215) 455-2880

Penske Truck Rental Philadelphia – http://www.pensketruckrental.com – (215) 922-2702 –

As a fan, I would have liked to see Kyle Korver Kick butt in the 3-point contest. Instead we get Kobe, Richard Hamilton, Daniel Gibson, Jason Kapono, and Nash. Some of those guys belong in that contest but I think Korver could have beat them all.

Now my wife just grabbed me by the ear and said, “Blah blah rah rah blah yadda blah rah!”

Translation:

She told me to tell you guys what is possibly the other side of the story. She says that she is sure that Kyle just wants to go and see his family and put his life in order. He has been living in a hotel since coming to the Jazz for goodness sake. With all the games and travel and practices, he hasn’t been able to stop and breathe, much less do his laundry. Besides, he minght need to spend time with his family or girlfriend or whatever. In conclusion “Blah Yadda Blah Blah.”

BTW, possible Kyle Korver girlfriend sighting here folks:

Kyle Korver Girlfriend

Well all I know is that since being on the Jazz, Kyle has helped stabilize the team. We have gone 17-3. That’s frickin’ awesome. He kicks butt and takes names. Even if his shooting touch is still just a little off, that still makes him one of the best shooters in the league.

So is it selfish for me to want to see him beat the crap out of Kobe in the 3-point shooting contest?

Oh wait, I have another possible Kyle Korver girlfriend sighting. Or should I say Girlfriends? That’s right, guys. He’s got TWINS!!!

Kyle Korver Girlfriends

baby3.jpg

I got some new pictures today and sorry folks, but she is still cuter.

Click Here to see my first article on the subject.

It’s a sad thing that some babies are born cute while others are . . . . not. For instance:

Ugly baby

But most babies are not that ugly. Some are just yada-yada babies like the one below:
average baby
He could grow up to be this kid so watch out,
Stoner

Okay so his parents need to feed him more and make him take naps, but you get the idea.

Then see my baby again:

my baby is cuter

Here’s another Yada-yada to borderline unnatractive baby:

dressed up baby

Here is Mine again:

baby 2

Now for you darwinists out there, help me understand. Why can’t all babies make you say Awwww? Why would humans not have evolved to make all babies beautiful? After all, the parents have to have a reason to keep the baby and take care of it.

We need to see that baby and think, “This thing is too cute. I had better feed it so that it won’t make that ugly crying face again.” or, “This thing stinks. If it wasn’t so cute, I would leave it on the side of the road. Oh well, I gues I should change it.”

I think it is just one more proof that there is a God. Otherwise why would we have this innate connection and love for these critters. No matter how ugly the baby, their mommy loves them.

If it weren’t for that innate love, how would these two have made it past childhood? God is one funny dude.

Ewwgly dudes

To wash that image out of your mind here are some more pictures of my baby:

baby9

She was sleepy in that one. The next one is the happiest pic I have of her.

baby1

So now that my evidence is on the table, I am leaving the floor open to you.

Do you think your baby is cute? Then prove it.

Put a link to your baby’s picture in the comments section of the CUTER BABY CHALLENGE section and I will post you baby’s picture on the site. Then I will pull up my random baby picture generator and post the picture that comes up next to your kid. We will then decide if your baby is indeed cuter.

Let me clarify, this is not a contest to see if your baby is cuter than mine because that would be unfair to all babies. This is basically a challenge to prove that your baby is cuter than most.

Is your baby cuter?

2/12/08

Our first brave soul has stepped forward. Troutbum has submitted pictures of Baby Trout. Here is one without his ugly mug in the way. So is Baby Trout cuter?

Baby Trout

Wow a good showing for Baby Trout. Lets plug in the random baby photo generator and see . . . .

Crosseyed baby

Whew! Baby Trout wins by a mile! Way to go, Trout I don’t know how that kid came from you.

Any more takers?

Take the Cuter Baby Challenge HERE. All further entries will be posted there.

So in posts over the past month I have been going on and on about the newest Rifftrax Batman and Robin and Jurassic park.

Since I have now seen both of them I thought I would give you my opinion on them. Let’s start with Batman and Robin:

The worst film EVER

Since Rifftrax began, the fans have been requesting that Mike and the guys do Batman and Robin.

There is a lot of fan hate directed towards this movie. After all, this was the film that killed the Batman movie franchise (Until Christopher Nolan stepped in with Batman Begins). Everything about the movie stank. And as the rumor goes, it stank so bad that Mike and the boys at Rifftrax didn’t want to sit through this turd enough times to write a script.

Then some fans on the Rifftrax Forum got together and started a site called Riffraff Theater. The idea is that a bunch of fans write riffs on a movie and submit them to Riffrafftheater. They compile everyone’s scripts together and weed out the bad jokes. Then they make their own fan Rifftrax from a master script.

Arnold cooling it

Riffraff Theater did one for Harry Potter that went pretty well. You can read my thoughts on it Here. Evidently Mike and the guys at Rifftrax were impressed enough by the project that they offered to make a Rifftrax out of a fan written script. The fans would write it. Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett would perform the script as written without alteration. The movie chosen was Batman and Robin. (This way Mike and the guys would only have to watch it once, lucky devils.)

This was quite a revolutionary concept. Fan fiction has been going on for years, expecially with the help of the internet. But when had fans ever been given the chance to have their work performed by the actual actors they are trying to emulate? This is the first time I have ever heard of it happening and that is a pretty exciting thing.

Well the process was long and ardurous. I didn’t hear about it until it was too late for me to contribute (Maybe next time). But in the end, the guys at Riffrafftheater received over 40 scripts.

How was the end result?

It starts out strong. The jokes come fast and furious and it is really funny. The film is so awful that the opportunity for gags is plentiful. Rifftrax has some funny fans.

Then about halfway through the movie things started to slow down. There were long gaps between jokes and near the end tons of scenes begging to be mocked were left alone. Mike and the guys kept to their word and did not alter the script. Evidently the movie was so hard to get through that many of the fans sent in incomplete scripts.

Boy I don’t blame them. I remember how much I hated Batman and Robin when it came out. It is so dreadfully bad that it is painful to watch. Watching it with the Rifftrax made it worth it though. I would recommend the trax to anyone wanting to see the film torn apart.

I hope that it is enough of a success that Rifftrax does more fan written trax in the future. Hopefully it will be with movies more fun to write for.

Now on to Jurassic Park with my hero Weird Al Yankovic

Heaven

When they announced this I died. Read about it Here. Such a combination of coolness has never come together before. I was a puddle of geeky goo.

Mike Nelson and Weird Al

So how did it go?

Weird Al is a natural at this. His manic edged voice works as a perfect counterpoint to Mike Nelsons laid back style. The jokes come fast and hard. It was nearly as funny as I hoped it would be. If only Al had done more of his trademark screaming, it would have been perfect.

Weird Al and Mike Nelson

You would think that it would be hard to riff Jurassic Park because it is a pretty good movie. The sequels stank, but the first one is a worthy film. But there is plenty of material for Mike and Al to work with. They don’t make fun of the quality of the acting or the script very much. The humor is much more observational. See the clip below to get an idea.

Like the Rifftrax for Lord of the Rings or The Matrix, it was another way for me to enjoy the film. I laughed the whole way through and I didn’t hate the movie. In fact, I prefer the Rifftrax of good movies over the Rifftrax of bad films like Batman and Robin.

It is rumored that Al is keen to do more. I hope so. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

On a side note, between Batman and Robin and Jurassic Park, Rifftrax came out with a short film Riff called Act Your Age. It is one of those educational shorts from the 50’s and man is it fertile ground for that MST3K brand of humor.

Act Your Age

Mike, Kevin, and Bill take the short on and it really made me nostalgic for those Mystery Science Theater shorts of yesteryear. It is Hilarious.

When I made my Jurassic Part Rifftrax DVD I put the Short at the beginning of the movie and it is actually funnier than the movie riff.

So if you are curious to see what Rifftrax is all about, this short is not a bad place to start. For .99 cents how can you go wrong?

Here is a link to the unriffed short

Feeling Nostalgic. Old Cartoons

Feeling Nostalgic?

No?

Want to?

I was over on Aintitcool today and Harry Knowles waxed nostalgic about old cartoons he found on the web. I thought why not? In fact I decided to find the ones that piqued my interest and burn them to a DVD for my kids. Why? Because I can. And it’s free.

There is a site called KeepVid that lets you download Youtube clips. I already made a few DVD compilations of old obscure MST3K and Rifftrax clips. It works pretty well. You just save them into a folder and then use a program like DVDflick convert them to files playable by your DVD player and burn them to a blank DVD.

Anyway, here are the cartoons that I chose for my kids. Now I skipped many of the obvious ones because we already own them. I bought several collections of Disney’s Silly Symphony cartoons for instance. This is rare public domain stuff. It’s pretty edgy for its time.

Swing You Sinners

Stratos Fear

Balloonland

The Haunted Ship

Wot a Night (1931)

Ants in the Plants

Candy Town (1931)

The Snow Man
(This’ll give the kids nightmares, but *insert evil laugh here*)

The Cat Came Back
Not an old one, but a hilarious one.

I finish out the DVD with some more modern computer-generated cartoon clips.

Hilarious commercial

Jurrasic Fart

Gummy Bear Song

And Finally, some test clips for Flushed Away.

Slug Song 1

Slug Song2

Slug Song 3