Category: movies


You’ve already weighed in on the question of whether Red Sonja or X-Men is better for the environment. But, now I’m exploring more pressing issues: Who is better for the environment, Batman or Daredevil?

Who is better for the environment, Batman or Daredevil?

Who is better for the environment, Batman or Daredevil?

First, a disclosure: Batman can’t really stomach environmentally irresponsible food products and rarely drinks anything made without distilled water. But he isn’t too keen on the taste of your typical eco-friendly soy products, so consider him a neutral arbiter when it’s concluded that soy is the somewhat more eco-conscious choice.

Batman may be a packaged and well-marketed hero, but environmentally speaking, he's very different.

Batman may be a packaged and well-marketed hero, but environmentally speaking, he's very different.

That said, it’s not easy to compare the two crime fighters: Batman may be a packaged and well-marketed hero, but environmentally speaking, he’s very different.
Starting with the basics, on his utility belt, Batman carries the “Goo Gun” which is a handheld foam projector that fires an adhesive-like substance to incapacitate his opponents.
The toxic foam has to be added in several risky stages to the gun, and the pressure required for injection is tremendous. Unfortunately, there is nothing at all eco-responsible about this utility. Most foam needs to be made by mixing a number of toxic chemicals and adding a “gassing” agent that forms bubbles which makes the substance cellular.
It’s obvious that the goo gun used by The Caped Crusader is not the same goo gun you might buy at a military surplus store. These chemicals used for Gotham’s Greatest’s utility belt to create the gooy substance for his goo gun feature are highly corrosive, toxic and flammable. Each storage tank would need to be monitored under strict tolerances and would be deadly if released full strength into the environment.

The Daredevil has been identified as one of the most environmentally friendly as far has his tactics and style as concerned.

The Daredevil has been identified as one of the most environmentally friendly as far has his tactics and style as concerned.

As a source of heroism, the Daredevil and Batman are both the brand standard and completely unrivaled. Running the gamut of crime-fighting heroes however, The Daredevil has been identified as one of the most environmentally friendly as far has his tactics and style as concerned. Matt Murdock has battled many eco -sensitive cases throughout his distinguished career. Although he used to be more of a swashbuckler, the focus of his after-hours work has evolved into more of a ninja-type style. He honors control of self which counterbalances his feelings of anger and torment.

he produces lots of waste, and that makes him a major emitter of methane gas.

he produces lots of waste, and that makes him a major emitter of methane gas.

Because of this unique style, the lighthearted, wisecracking hero requires an enormous amount of energy, but sadly because of the amount of converted energy used, and the remarkably poor quality of his diet of greasy pizza and left over chicken wings, he produces lots of waste, and that makes him a major emitter of methane gas.
In comparison, The Dark Knight’s diet is much more energy-efficient than the Daredevil’s, since you get more efficient energy from green plantains, Permian sea shrimp. a dollop of hummus and organic parsley soup.

it takes about 14 calories of energy to produce one crime-stopping punch to a typical super-villain's henchman.

it takes about 14 calories of energy to produce one crime-stopping punch to a typical super-villain's henchman.

According to research by Gotham University scientist Derek Parnel, it takes about 14 calories of energy to produce one crime-stopping punch to a typical super-villain’s henchman. Pulling a rug from beneath their feet might require a little less than 10 calories of energy. Under the most optimistic assumptions and also by procuring a slight improvement in their crime-fighting systems a hero could cut down their energy use by at least 25 percent.

digesting of a kilogram of fresh berry pizza yields significantly less greenhouse-gas emission from the Masked Man-hunter's bowels than digesting a kilogram of pork-based chili from the Daredevil, even if it's followed by a liter of diet cola.

digesting of a kilogram of fresh berry pizza yields significantly less greenhouse-gas emission from the Masked Man-hunter's bowels than digesting a kilogram of pork-based chili from the Daredevil, even if it's followed by a liter of diet cola.

By comparison, data suggests that it takes about 0.26 calories of energy just to make a fist with the intent to distribute the force upon a bad guy-which is the usual method of castigation by super heroes. The methods used to evade capture, bodily injury, and counterblows account for about 35 percent of those calories used during a fracas. So, let’s say you’ll need to put 483.73 calories of energy into each hero every 10 – 20 minutes under normal working conditions. “That’s just not possible,” says Parnel. This data makes the Batman approximately 1.3 times more energy-efficient than the Daredevil under a best-case scenario.
As an example, we will mention that digesting of a kilogram of fresh berry pizza yields significantly less greenhouse-gas emission from the Masked Man-hunter’s bowels than digesting a kilogram of pork-based chili from the Daredevil, even if it’s followed by a liter of diet cola.

As the British government reported it, The Caped Crusader's diet is ironically closer to Harvey Dent's (A.K.A. Two Face) than a typical super heroes.

As the British government reported it, The Caped Crusader's diet is ironically closer to Harvey Dent's (A.K.A. Two Face) than a typical super heroes.

Of course, as we’ve already discussed, The Worlds Greatest Detective doesn’t drink diet cola, or any sugary liquids at all for that matter. He also avoids eating anything requiring eggs that are not from free-rage poultry. However, the process of avoiding these non-eco-friendly products requires energy and produces a significant amount angst which wastes even more energy.
As the British government reported it, The Caped Crusader’s diet is ironically closer to Harvey Dent’s (A.K.A. Two Face) than a typical super heroes. And as Batman may not want to make mention of, producing distilled water takes quite a bit of electricity.

It seems to be a semi-efficient method of obtaining the energy needed to beat down the members of highly organized crime forces.

It seems to be a semi-efficient method of obtaining the energy needed to beat down the members of highly organized crime forces.

A Chili-cheese dogs with a splash of hot sauce is included in about two-thirds of all America’s Super Heroes weekly diets. Indeed, pork products in general offer an interesting case study into how a processed food’s makeup effects the ability to fight crime. Despite animal-rights advocates’ love of free range and organic products, hotdogs aren’t exactly the antagonists of the environmental movement. It seems to be a semi-efficient method of obtaining the energy needed to beat down the members of highly organized crime forces.
Although the vast majority of Super Heroes are genetically modified; their ridiculous diets may be irrelevant, but that fact certainly hasn’t made them popular among many green activists.

In addition to the wind-power initiative introduced by Edward Nigma, The Wal-Mart product line is almost entirely eco-responsible.

In addition to the wind-power initiative introduced by Edward Nigma, The Wal-Mart product line is almost entirely eco-responsible.

In South America, farmers responding to the massive global demand for Super Heroes-fueled in large part by China’s new Super Villains produced by Wal-Mart-have been accused of doing lasting damage to the Amazon rainforest by building massive fortifications against those that would want to do harm.
But because Super-villains are, on the whole, an eco-conscious bunch, the ruckus they cause making crimes tends to be made in a more eco-friendly way.
In addition to the wind-power initiative introduced by Edward Nigma, The Wal-Mart product line is almost entirely eco-responsible. “Super-villain’s aren’t perfect, but we are trying to make a difference in our own way,” says Dr. Jonathan Crane (A.K.A. The Scarecrow).
The Injustice League is a bit evasive about what percentage of their henchmen are imported from abroad-a spokeswoman (Renee Montoya) for the Injustice League was unable to give Edgewriter.Wordpress.Com specific numbers-and its sale to the nation’s largest plasma cannon in 2002 raised some eyebrows.
But, generally speaking, the fact that its members are environmentally savvy probably makes for a greener planet.

The Injustice League is a bit evasive about what percentage of their henchmen are imported from abroad-a spokeswoman (Renee Montoya) for the Injustice League was unable to give Edgewriter.Wordpress.Com specific numbers-and its sale to the nation's largest plasma cannon in 2002 raised some eyebrows.

The Injustice League is a bit evasive about what percentage of their henchmen are imported from abroad-a spokeswoman (Renee Montoya) for the Injustice League was unable to give Edgewriter.Wordpress.Com specific numbers-and its sale to the nation's largest plasma cannon in 2002 raised some eyebrows.

Nonetheless, Super-villain’s have their environmental downsides, too. A super-villain like Doctor Victor Fries (Mr. Freeze)-despite his growing popularity is a challenge environmentally. He’s probably going to have to do something about the amount of planet-life that can not survive in sub-zero temperatures before the green community will embrace his cold style of diplomacy.

A super-villain like Doctor Victor Fries (Mr. Freeze)-despite his growing popularity is a challenge environmentally.

A super-villain like Doctor Victor Fries (Mr. Freeze)-despite his growing popularity is a challenge environmentally.

At the end of the day, the Dark Knight probably has a much bigger environmental impact than Daredevil, but it’s worth keeping in mind: Environmentally, it hurts to scrap with the world’s most horrifying threats.
Is there an environmental quandary that’s been keeping you up at night? Comment to this blog.

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One Rocky movie a week was enough to boost benefits, study says

Glen Simmins-Staves Tues., July. 1, 2008

6:39 p.m. MT,

 

LONDON – Just a few more Rocky movies each week may protect men from prostate cancer, British researchers reported on Wednesday.

The researchers believe a chemical in the brain, once enhanced by the popular Rocky series films sparks hundreds of genetic changes, activating some genes that fight cancer and switching off others that fuel tumors, said Ricardo Milton, a biologist at Britain’s Institute of Genetic-Film Research.

There is plenty of evidence linking the successful Sylvester Stalone movies to reduced cancer risk. But the study published in the Public Library of Genetic journal PLoG mentioned the first human trial investigating the potential biological mechanism at work, Milton added in a telephone interview.

“Everybody says, “Rocky IV just makes me feel good, but nobody can tell us why,” said Milton, who led the study. “Our study shows why watching Rocky III makes you feel like even you could beat Mr. T.”

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Prostate is the second-leading cancer killer of men after lung cancer. Each year, some 680,000 men worldwide are diagnosed with the disease and about 220,000 will die from it.

Milton and colleagues split into two groups, each with 24 men with pre-cancerous lesions that increase prostate cancer risk and had them watch either (group 1) Rocky or (group 2) Legaly Blonde II each week for a year.

Rocky watcher’s genes changed
The researchers also took tissue samples over the course of the study and found that men who watched Rocky showed hundreds of changes in genes known to play a role in fighting cancer.  Evidence suggests the world renowned films increase the body’s understanding of expert fighting techniques…maybe even give it some pointers.

The benefit would likely be the same in other fighting films, such as UFC Midnight Brawl 2006 that increase in the body a compound called isothiocyanate.  Other films suspected including Fight Club, Lion Heart, Ledgend of the Pitfighter, Gladiator (1992), The Warriors, Enter the Dragon, Best of the Best, and Bloodsport.  Some evidence even suggests that the fighting Genre video games also showed some benefits they added.

Some evidence even suggests that the fighting Genre video games also showed some benefits they added

Some evidence even suggests that the fighting Genre video games also showed some benefits they added

 

 

 

 

Rocky, however, increases a particularly powerful type of the compound called sulforaphane, which the researchers think gives an extra cancer-fighting kick, Milton said.

“When people get cancer some genes are switched off and some are switched on,” he said. “What Rocky seems to be doing is switching on genes which prevent cancer developing and switching off other ones that help it spread.”

The Rocky movie watchers showed about 400 to 500 of the positive genetic changes with men carrying a gene called GSTM1 enjoying the most benefit. About half the population has the gene, Milton said.

The researchers did not track the men long enough to see who got cancer but said the findings bolster the idea that just a few more Rocky movies each week can make a big difference.
 
 
 

 

The researchers did not track the men long enough to see who got cancer but said the findings bolster the idea that just a few more Rocky movies each week can make a big difference.

It is also likely that these movies work the same way in other parts of the body and probably protect people against a whole range of cancers, and maybe even E.D, Milton added.

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“You don’t need a huge change in your diet,” he said. “Just a few more Rocky movies and it will make a big difference.”

The Glen Simmins-Staves Associated Press contributed to this report.

Videolink crazytime

Everyone, I am sorry that my posts have been so far between lately. Work and family life are so hectic right now. But I can’t let you down. Time for a Videolink crazytime special.

This first one is a huge childrens anime craze in Japan right now.

The Bottom Biting Bug!

Here is a special live performance.

If you thought our kids were mind-numbed by todays kid’s shows here in America, here is a sample of what the regular Bottom Biting Bug show is like

Rifftrax:

If you don’t know what Rifftrax is, I told y’all all about it HERE.
Here is the sample video of the Spiderman 3 Rifftrax. You can order the whole thing here:

Oh and for those of you Rifftraxian newbies, here is Mike Nelson’s favorite kids song and constant Rifftrax inside joke, Schnappi.

BTW the next Rifftrax coming out 4/22 is Cloverfield.

Rifftrax Cloverfield

I haven’t seen the movie yet and it comes out on DVD the day the Rifftrax is released so fun time all around next week. Here is the information from Rifftrax.com

“”What if a monster attacked a city?” This is the shockingly novel concept behind the viral marketing triumph of the year! Filled with “fresh”* performances and “authentic”** cinematography, Cloverfield masterfully takes a page from The Blair Witch Project, reworking the “snotty 20-somethings endure trauma while repeatedly saying ‘dude'” genre into something unique while still being very much the same. Look for star turns by That Girl Who Was in Mean Girls and That One Dude Who Played Eric in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Mike, Kevin and Bill’s RiffTrax was found by the Department of Defense (and then thrown away, but we dug it out of a garbage can.)

*Not very good.

**Not good at all.”

Cool stuff:

The Big Dog robotic Army mule.

This thing rules

More:

It already has parodies:

It is amazing what a kid can do with a personal computer these days.

Slow motion water balloon attack. Cool ad.

The aftermath of a war in candyland.

I love this Robot.

Several People making their own Transformers:




Oh and just in case you didn’t get enough last time, Experience more of the love that is inside Peter Lemongello:

And now older and more experienced, Lemongello will satisfy you in many new and different ways.

No . . . Thank you.

(even if he did get a little William Shatnery)

UTAH JAZZZZZZ!!

Since the Playoffs start this weekend and the Jazz are going to win the championship this year, I would be remiss if I didn’t link to this guy’s great highlight videos.

http://www.jazzfanz.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=28669

Those are required viewing for those of you who don’t realize why your team is about to be destroyed in the playoffs this year.

Oh, and-

JDC5: The Awakening

Ok, folks. Time for a Junk Drawer Cleanout!!

Junkedy junk

My new short story is in the works. But for now all I can tell you is that it is Bowl of Souls related and that it will concern one of the mysterious characters peripheral to the story. Those of you that have read the book will recognize this character right away.

Family:

Two items of note.

1. We have a stupid cat

Yukie Wet

Our black and white cat Yukie has recently decided that she wants to climb to the top of our chimney . . . . from the inside.

I first discovered this when my daughter brought in our black and white cat looking completely black. She was covered in soot. At the time I thought that she had just been laying around in the fireplace, but then it happened again. Mrs. Edge was the one that figured out that the stupid cat could see light in the chimney from inside the fireplace. She was trying to climb up and out.

This morning Mrs. Edge was sitting there when the cat fell out of the chimney. Needless to say, Yukie has gotten a lot of baths lately. Doesn’t she look embarrassed?

Wet cat 2

#2. My baby is still cuter.

I have told you again and again. I even made you a challenge. But for those of you that still don’t believe here is even more evidence. My baby is cuter.

baby dollar

Her hair has been wild and wispy lately. She has never lost the thick hair she was born with, though it has lightened some. So we decided to try and curl it to see what would happen.

Happy baby dollar with curlers

She actually seemed to enjoy having the curlers in her hair, which I thought was weird.

Baby with curlers

At any rate, when we took the curlers out, her hair looked like Gene Wilder’s on a windy day. So we ended up wetting it down and combing it out. But even with crazy Gene Wilder hair, she was cuter.

Regarding WordPress:

In the middle of writing this article last night, WordPress bogged down big time. When I finally got it up and working everything had changed on me. The interface for writing and my dashboard and everything is completely different.

It also screwed with the pictures I had uploaded. So I had to wait until this morning to publish this. It actually looks like an improvement over the old interface though. I’ll just have to get used to it.

The Utah Jazz:

Jazz/Spurs

What a fantastic game last night. The Jazz gave the Spurs a beat down. The first half looked a bit hairy, but the Jazz hung in there despite shooting a crappy 37%. Boozer hit a big shot at the buzzer to give us a 2 point lead going into the half.

Memo Looking graceful as usual.

Then in the second half, we caught on fire, both offensively and defensively. We held the spurs to their lowest point total in franchise history and won 90-64.

Boozer and Deron played great, but the two real heroes in the game were Memo and AK. Memo had 17 point sand 16 Rebounds while AK had 10 points, 6 assists, 5 rebounds, 3 steals and a blocked shot. AK was truly everywhere. If only he can keep that up, we could win the championship this year.

There are only 5 games left in the season before the playoffs start. We only need to win one more to clinch a playoff spot. All 5 games are against tough teams.

Spurs watching from the bench where they belong.

Rifftrax:

The new Rifftrax was just announced. They are riffing Spiderman 3 with guest riffer James Lileks.

Spiderman 3 Rifftrax

I am not too familliar with James Lileks. His website is HERE and evidently his blog is a hit. Also he has a radio show in Minnesota. All I know is the the guys at Rifftrax say he is hilarious and that is good enough for me.

As far as Spiderman 3 goes, I have to admit that I haven’t seen it yet. I own the movie, but have never watched it. I liked Spiderman one and Spiderman 2 was really good, so I am looking forward to watching it both riffed and unriffed.

I will do a Spiderman post as part of my Superhero Movies series some time next week and tell you how it went.

In the meantime, here is a clip from the Rifftrax of Beowulf.

Oh, and before you go, you must have some Bacon.

Vodpod videos no longer available. from video.acasa.ro posted with vodpod

Programming note and Twisted Disney

Well folks. Things are hectic here on the Edgewriter Family Ranch. I am sorry that it has been longer between posts than normal. This will change I assure you.

Programming note: Short Stories

Last week I wrote a short story and posted it on the blog here. I had fun writing it too. It wasn’t my normal writing style. I am more of a Fantasy/Action guy. But it was fun.

So I’m giving you folks a heads up. Most likely I will be posting short stories more often on this site. They will be custom written for the site by me. Most likely they will be more of my regular flavor than this last one.

For those of you that don’t know, I have written an 800 page fantasy novel that I am currently working on splitting into two books. It is part of a series called The Bowl of Souls. Iwish I could post excerpts from it here, but I have been informed by people far wiser than myself that publishing even a small portion of it on my blog will make it harder for me to get a publisher to buy my book.

So I have decided to settle for writing original short stories that involve characters from my book that happen on the periphery of the story. I will post those here and hopefully that will give you guys a feel for what my story is about. Also when I do finally find a publisher for the book, you could pick it up and know a little bit more about what is going on in the world.

At any rate, this is an exciting prospect for me. Hopefully I don’t lose too much of my readership doing this. I will still continue with posts about movies and MST3K and whatever other vagaries pop into my fevered mind, so don’t leave because of this. You will just see short stories more often. Hopefully you will enjoy them.

Movies:

Growing up, my siblings and I watched a lot of Disney movies. Now that I have four kids of my own, I am once again watching a lot of Disney movies. And you know, even though I have a fondness for these movies there is such a thing as Daddy overload.

So the other day I ran across some videos and they had me laughing out loud. Here are trailers for Disney films if they had been filmed in some evil alternate universe.

(Note: If some of these videos don’t work for you, I have no idea why. They work on Youtube. So if the video clip won’t play, just click on link below each video to see them.)

The Incredibles:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdW_GxefIU4&feature=related

Scary Mary:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic

Toy Story:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuNF7Z7sAt8&feature=related

Bedknobs and Broomsticks:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YrX8ExtRUQ

The Lion King:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbBNqNaZVc8&feature=related

Pete’s Dragon:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR1Yypm9GiM&feature=related

Willy Wonka:
(Yes I know this isn’t Disney. Besides this may actually be the original trailer for all I know.)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1lWF-_Lpic&feature=related

And on an opposite note, here is a Romantic Comedy Trailer for Silence of The Lambs:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxF6idjqnk&feature=related

If you come across any more, feel free to post them in comments and I will add them to the article.

Beowulf!!!! Rifftrax!!

Beowulf

Okay, so I am one of the guys that rarely gets to go to the theater. I end up watching movies on DVD. So the reality is that most of you have probably watched this film already and I won’t be telling you anything you don’t know. But just in case: SPOILERS BEWARE and all that stuff.

I wanted to see Beowulf in the theater but Mrs Edge wasn’t keen on the idea. So once I found out that Rifftrax was doing Beowulf it was my excuse to watch it. I wanted to watch the movie unriffed the first time. So here is my review of the film on it’s own.

Angelina Jolie in Beowulf

I knew of the story of Beowulf. I never read the old english ballad. But I had gathered from various sources throughout the years what the story was. But the film was very much different from the story I was expecting.

From what I knew, there is a monster named Grendel that is terrorizing a viking kingdom. The king sends for a hero and Beowulf comes. Beowulf is like one of the original superheroes. He is like the viking version of Hercules or Sinbad the Sailor. He is stronger and faster than a normal human being.

Beowulf fights an epic battle with Grendel and kills the monster by ripping its arm off. He then tracks down and kills Grendel’s mother by beheading her. He becomes a king in his older years. He then fights a climactic battle with a dragon and kills the creature even though taking fatal wounds. He dies the greatest viking hero ever.

But the movie has a very different take on the Beowulf legend.

The following trailer gives a much better picture of the way this movie takes the story.

In this version Beowulf is a very flawed man. He isn’t an altruistic sort. He’s not there to save the kingdom really. He doesn’t seem to care much about others. (In the fight with Grendel, he calmly watches his own men die while figuring out the monster’s weakness.) He fights for glory. He knows that if he kills Grendel, his story will grow. He wants bards to sing of him. He wants women to flock to him. He wants to be known as a hero like the heros of viking lore.

In fact, at the beginning, you begin to wonder if he is anything more than a braggart. He obviously exaggerates when telling tales about himself. His men comment on it. It isn’t until the battle with Grendel is won, that you know he is indeed almost as good as he thinks he is.

We also learn of Beowulf’s weaknesses,

1. We have already talked about. His thirst for acclaim.
2. Women.

From the moment he arrives in the kingdom, you can see he has eyes on the queen. He seems entranced by her. He never makes any moves, but you can tell that he wants to. When recounting his story about how he lost a swimming match with Breca, he tells the crowd that the reason he lost was he was seized by a sea serpent. But from his memories, we see that he was instead seduced by a mermaid.

It ends up that this was his biggest weakness because when Grendel’s mother decides to seduce him, he shows us just how weak he really is.

Beowulf in Grendel's cave

This is where I feel that the movie takes the tale of Beowulf and improves upon it. Previously the tale of Beowulf doesn’t really explain why Grendel haunts the mead hall or why the dragon attacks Beuwulf’s kingdom later in his life.

In this film, we are shown that Grendel is actually the son of King Hrothgar and the Demon. This explains his deformed half-human looks and how he is tortured by the merry making of humans. He can not be part of that world and his only company is his evil twisted mother. Hrothgar wants Grendel dead to rid him of his guilt over having been seduced by a demon.

When Beowulf confront’s Grendel’s demon mother intending to kill her, he does not know that the King was Grendel’s father. In a big departure from the original tale, he is seduced by the demon’s promise of glory and power (and Angelina Jolie’s hot bod). Instead of killing her, he gives her the means of taking revenge in the form of another son.

Beowulf still

When he returns to the mead hall with Grendel’s head, he boasts of killing the “hag”. The king gets him in private and tells him that they both know she isn’t a hag. Beowulf doesn’t admit that she is not dead, but the king knows. The king then leaves his entire kingdom to Beowulf and throw’s himself into the sea. It isn’t until that point that Beowulf realizes what he has done.

Thus later in life when the Dragon attacks we know that this dragon is in fact Beowulf’s own son. Over the years, Beowulf has matured into the man that he had always boasted that he was, but he is also haunted by the knowledge of the sins of his youth. So when his son comes to terrorize his kingdom, Beowulf decides to put aside his selfishness and give his life for those he loves. In the end, he becomes a true hero.

It is quite a fantastic story. I enjoyed the film just as much for the story as for the action which is something I was not expecting to do. Now the violence was too bloody and the near nudity too near nude for a PG-13 film. The final twist at the end was a little too ambiguous for my tastes. But all in all, I thought it was a good movie. I don’t know how many family or friends I could show it to, but there you have it.

Now for the Rifftrax version:

Rifftrax Beowulf

I have long contended that listening to the Rifftrax of a movie you like can be far more enjoyable than listening to the Rifftrax of something you hate. This one once again proves my point.

Here is mike Nelson’s description of the Beowulf Rifftrax:

“For years we at RiffTrax have lived under the mistaken belief that we are Beowulf. So we were shocked when a cartoon version of Ray Winstone squeezed into a tiny pair of leather battle panties (LBPs) and set us straight in no uncertain terms. And he’s right – HE. IS. BEOWULF!! Though it took some getting used to the idea that we are not Beowulf, in all honesty it’s been a whole lot more pleasant to come into the office and see pants where one once saw nothing but a sea of LBPs.

But if you haven’t yet exceeded your limit, may we suggest you download our hilarious new RiffTrax for Beowulf in which a fully clothed Mike, Kevin and Bill take on our less than clothed hero, his extremely unclothed lizardy paramour (played with big boobs gusto by Digi-lina Jolie), and a disappointingly unclothed Anthony Hopkins.

IT! IS! FUNNY!!!”

As you can see, they enjoy making fun of Beowulf’s boastfullness. They also enjoy making fun of Grendel.

Crispin Glover Grendel

Here are some sample quotes regarding Grendel:

When he first appears, Bill says, “Hey look, Crispin Glover. Yep, self inflicted head wound, that’s Crispin Glover all right.”

When he is fighting the vikings in the hall, Bill says, “Man, this is worse than the time we got attacked by that thing my dog threw up.”

Later, when Grendel’s mom tells him that men have destroyed many of our kind, Bill says, “our kind being giant pieces of poo.”

They also get good digs in regarding everyone’s disturbing lack of clothing, the crazy camera angles, and anything to do with John Malkovich.

This is definitely one of my favorite Rifftrax so far. Download it and enjoy the heck out of this film.

I know it has been a few days since the last post and I apologize. It has been a hectic few days. Therefore I think a Junk Drawer Cleanout is in order.

Junk drawer emptied

Okay stop the presses. I don’t have a clue how I missed this before, but it is right up my alley and one of the funniest things ever. If you don’t get it you don’t have kids.

Utah Jazz:

Inonsistancy, thy name is Jazz.

Jazz New Team Photo

The Jazz went 2-2 on their road trip this week. They lost the two games that should have been the easiest while winning the two games that were the hardest.

1. We lost the first game to Chicago. We had fresh legs and Chicago is not a very good team this year. They have a losing record and most likely won’t even make the playoffs in the east. We let them get an early lead and waited until the end to try to win it. Unfortunately by that time, they had the confidence they needed to put us away.

2. We beat the Milwaukee Bucks. This was the second night of a back-to-back and the Bucks are a better team than Chicago this year. I guess that we were ticked off about losing the night before though, because we came out strong and put them away in the fourth quarter after they tried to make a comeback.

3. We beat Boston. This was supposed to be the toughest game on the trip. The Celtics have the best record in the league and they had only lost 5 games at home all year. But this is the game our guys were geared up for and we blasted the Celtics for their worst loss of the year. Man was I on a high after this game.
Deron beats Celtics

4. But the high was short lived because we lost to the Nets by one basket the next night. Now this was the fourth game in 5 nights so it was understandable that our energy let down a bit in the fourth, but this is a Net’s team that has a losing record in the east and lost their hall of fame point guard via trade just a month ago.
Utah looses to Nets

So why the distress? This is the tightest playoff contest the western conference has ever seen. Only five games seperate First place from 8th place. We are sitting currently in the fourth spot because we are winning our division but the two teams below us in the ranking actually have a better record than us.

If the playoffs started today, we would face the Spurs who we haven’t beat on the road in like ten years and they would have home court advantage in the first round. THat would be bad. Our guys need to step it up and win home court advantage in that first round if we want to advance anywhere in the playoffs this year.

The sad thing is that I think our team would be a title contender if not for our inconsistant road play. This season we have the best overall team we have had since the last time the Jazz went to the NBA finals. We can beat any team in the NBA quite handily on any given night. We almost never lose at home, (Only three losses at home this season.) but we have a bad road record. (16-21)

Rifftrax:

This last month has been a bit slow for Rifftrax. They put out a bunch of shorts and did some political ad parodies (You can see some of them on my site Here and Here). But a full Rifftrax has been missing.

(BTW the shorts that they have been releasing on Rifftrax.com for .99 cents each are absolutely hilarous. Best money you will spend.)

Well tomorrow the first new Rifftrax in a month will be released.

Beowulf Rifftrax

I saw Beowulf for the first time last week and boy did I have mixed feelings about that flick. I will put a full review of both the movie and the Rifftrax of the movie later this week.

MISC:

NEVER GET AN ADJUSTIBLE RATE MORTGAGE.

Just a heads up.

If I could I would rip that ARM off and hang it over my mantle as a trophy just like Beowulf did to Grendel.

MSTK:

Giant Gila Monster single disk

With it being a slow Rifftrax month I have been watching a lot of the old MST3K episodes again and here are two quick reviews for you.

First of all in an odd kind of situation, Rhino put out it’s last set of MST3K episodes (Volume 10) before the rights to the show switched to a new label (Shoutfactory). In a screw up, they included the classic episode Godzilla VS Megalon. Unfortunately, they did not have the rights to release that movie, so they put out a replacement disk. It is one of my favorite all time episodes, The Giant Gila Monster.

The great thing is that you can order it individually for a limited time for like 8.00. Just click on the link above if you are interested. (I don’t get any money if you do, this is just sharing something cool.) Once they sell out, it will be gone. Who knows when or if that episode will ever be released on DVD again.

The Giant Gila Monster

Man this is one of the best Joel episodes. One of my favorite bits is that they notice that the director always told the actors to put put their legs up on things while they talk to make it look more casual. So whenever one of the characters enter a room, Joel and the bots are guessing when they will put their leg up. This has me laughing every time.

Gila Monster Knee up

One of my favorite scenes is when a Cop and a kid come across an abandoned suitcase on the side of the road left by a hitch hiker that the gila monster ate and Joel says, “Why a smart feller could put a leg up on something like that.”

Last night I watched one I hadn’t seen before called The Starfighters

MSTK Starfighters

This one is a Mike episode and I found it hilarious all the way through. This film was made in conjunction with the US Airforce using tons of real fighter plane footage from peace time. (I’m guessing this was done as sort of a movie length commercial for the Air Force.) It is a story about some new pilots going through training to learn how to fly the “Starfighter”. It’s kind of like Top Gun but there are no enemy planes to shoot at.

Evidently this episode is famous for the looong refueling sequences as seen in the beginning of the video below: (If the following videos aren’t working for you just refresh and click the center of them to go directly to the Youtube video. I don’t know why the link doesn’t work some times.)

Did you notice the 60’s era elevator music? Well it goes on whenever they are flying.

Later in a host segment, Tom and Crow recreate the refueling sequence while crow is on hold with customer service trying go get connected to the internet. (This segment is as shocking as it is funny.) I almost died laughing. It is at the beginning of the video below:

Overall this is one of the best Mike episodes. As lame and uneventful as the film is, the riffing is top notch. I will leave you with the “United Servo Academy Men’s Chorus Hymn”. What I love about this is that Kevin Murphy sang all the parts himself. He is so talented. This is brilliant:

Dirty Dancing With Cancer: Swayzefest

Patrick Swayze Cancer Patient?

So as most of you know, the news came across the wire yesterday that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. Now the tabloids *cough Enquirer* said he had weeks to live and that he was basically on his deathbed. Despite the suspect nature of the reports, pancreatic cancer is a scary thing. Very few people survive. Most die in months and less than 5% live longer than five years.

The good new is that this morning Swayze’s doctor released a statement saying that he only had a small amount of cancer and that his prognosis is relatively good. He is receiving treatment and continues to work on his projects.

So today I have put together a Patrick Swayze Mini tribute.

Patrick Swayze Dancer Extrordanaire

First let me say that even though I have never been a huge Swayze fan, I have always thought that he was an above average male lead in the movies. Even though he can’t seem to be able to keep his shirt on like some other actors *cough, McConnaughey*, I respect the guy.

Let us start with some Rifftrax’ed clips of Swayze’s 80’s cheesefest, Roadhouse:

MST3K’s Patrick Swayze Christmas:

Saturday night live Swayzefest:

And we’ll end with what gave Swayze his start. Dirty Dancing and this music video:

Junky Drawers

Once again my mind is filled with many small things that by themselves are perhaps unworthy of a stand-alone post. But together they make one heck of a mess and that sounds just about right for one of my articles. So let’s get started shall we?

First of all, there has been some confusion about my last article which was about a boy talking to his pet frog who is trying to escape. I apologize for the confusion. And I know that the frog in the video was freaky. Can you imagine walking across your lawn at night and hearing that sound come from near your feet in the darkness? Again I apologize.

Mitchell and Webb

While reading the Rifftrax Blog the other day I came across a youtube video posted by our good pal Bill Corbett. It perfectly illustrates the frustration of a screenwriter pitching his work to hollywood.

It made me laugh several times and I had to seek out more information about the comedians in the sketch. They are called Mitchell and Webb and are big hits in the UK but are relatively unknown in the US.

Their current show “that Mitchell and Webb look” airs on BBC America on the weekends so you can check it out. Here are a few more sample clips to whet your whistle. (Mild expletive warning!)

Nazi officers realizing that they are the bad guys:

A Mr B Natural story gone bad.

Naming a dry cleaners:

Child with a BOOTY for a face:

They are also PC and Mac guys for the UK commercials.

Rifftrax:

Rifftrax Matrix Reloaded

I finally got around to watching the Rifftrax of Matrix Reloaded the other night with Mrs. Edge. We both enjoyed it immensely. They ripped appart the massively stupid sex/rave scene that took up half of the film for one. They also accurately picked the moment in the film where the Matrix franchise jumped the proverbial shark.

Oh and for you insiders, bacon jokes are scattered throughout along with the obligatory Schnappi reference.

The original Matrix Rifftrax is the one that started it all for me and the second one is even better.

Also, the Riffers have taken on some new political ads. Here are a couple of my favorites:

There are more on my previous political post.

Completely 100% not not true:

In my previous article on the history of Asparagus Pee I left out one interesting factoid.

Island of Bhuti

On the island of Bhuti in the Indian Ocean, the Palahunga tribe makes many of varieties of distinctive dyes. These dyes are made from the various plant and insect species native to the island and are highly sought over by yarn manufacturers for their brilliant colors.

The most sought after of these dyes is called Bhutipee #5. It is a gorgeous deep purple hue and sells for over 150 dollars per ounce. (Which, being highly concentrated can actually dye 10 skeins of high quality alpaca yarn.) These skeins of yarn can sell for $50-100 each. (No, Mrs. Edge! Put the credit card down and back away slowly . . .)

Bhutipee Alpaca yarn

What is very interesting is that the beautiful purple hue of this yarn comes from a mixture composed from the musk glands of a beetle native to the island (The Bhuti Beetle) and asparagus pee.

How did such a thing come to pass?

Asparagus was brought to the islands in the 1700’s by british explorers coming out of India. The lush climate on the island was perfect for the growth of Asparagus and the vegetable flourished. It grew so well there in fact that it became seen by the inhabitants as a weed. Still there were some of the tribe that enjoyed the flavor of this new vegetable.

As the story goes, one day a dyemaker’s son was stepped on a bhuti beetle and the stink of the beetle clung to him. In order to get rid of the musk from a bhuti beetle, the traditional method is to pee on it. Something in the urine counteracts the smell. Evidently this time when the boy peed on it, his foot turned purple. He screamed and though he had contracted some horrible skin disease, but over time they realized that it was something else. His foot had become dyed purple.

Bhutipee purple dye

Now being a tribe of dye makers, it occured to them to find out where this beautiful purple came from. The musk of a bhuti beetle is quite colorless normally and they had never seen this result before. It took the quite a while to realize that the reason his foot had turned purple was because he had eaten large quantities of asparagus before stepping on the beetle and even though his urine was yellow and the beetle musk was colorless, a chemical reaction in the musk turned the urine that delightful purple color.

Utah Jazz:

Kyle Korver Girlfriend sighting:

Leave Kyle Korver Alone!

I have been asked to leave Deformio alone by this lady above. She wouldn’t say, but I am almost sure it is Kyle Korver’s girlfriend. I know that some of you have told me that this is a guy, but anyone with that voice is 100% woman.

On a side note, Deformio has come out of his shooting slump in the last couple games and has been ripping the nets for the Jazz. It was in large part thanks to him that we beat Dallas and Detroit recently.

Go Deformio!

For all the hate and slander directed at America by the rest of the world, they sure seem to love us.

You know they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Well here you go. The following are some of the funniest imitations of American pop culture I have ever seen. It’s funny because they don’t know that they are funny.

Indian Thriller: Unfortunately I hear that this man is now whiter than Michael Jackson.

Turkish Trek:

Too bad their Kirk has one of the worst smiles ever and their Spock just can’t pull off a lack of emotion.

Turkish Superman:

Turkish superman hits like a girl.

Indian Superman and Spidergirl? The musical? Bollywood, Baby!

Bollywood can’t keep away from Superman. This Superman needs to lose some weight and get the symbol right though. The lyrics are kind of naughty too.

Let me know in comments if you come across any more and I will post them here.