Category: music

Unintentionally Hilarious

Edgewriter Hisself here.

Imagine this:

You are invited to a friends house. They are all excited and want you to watch a video they made. So you act enthusiastic and they put this on:

You watch in horror, trying not to laugh and feeling embarassed for them. Then they tell you about their aspirations of stardom and you try to be positive while the whole time you are screaming inside, wishing you could escape.

An hour later after you have found an excuse to slip away, you leave the driveway just as more of their puzzled looking victims are arriving at the house.

Well Jan Terri and Mark Gormley have produced some of the most embarrassed friends and acquaintances ever. They evidently have quite a cult following despite the horribleness of the videos.

Let’s start with our buddy Mark Gormley. He is actually on very talented SOB. Musically his songs are quite good. Unfortunately the dude looks like my old junior high english teacher Mr. Ferguson. He should not appear in his own music videos.

(BTW notice the bandaid on his chest in that one?)

Now to Mark’s credit, he is pretty grounded for a internet sensation. in this interview, you can see that he isn’t looking to jump into fame. He even turned down Jimmy Kimmel. He is however looking for a new “signifigant other”. So ladies . . .

Jan Terri on the other hand . . . Why oh why in the name of all that is holy did this woman decide to make music?

Please kill me now. You will want to after watching this:

(1:35 dan dan dong??? Even she gets bored of the video after a while)

Here is one Pop up video style:

And so mch more . . . .

Special thanks to the folks over at the Rifftrax Blog for bringing the joy of Jan Terri and Mark Gormley into my hum-drum life.


Dirty Dancing With Cancer: Swayzefest

Patrick Swayze Cancer Patient?

So as most of you know, the news came across the wire yesterday that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. Now the tabloids *cough Enquirer* said he had weeks to live and that he was basically on his deathbed. Despite the suspect nature of the reports, pancreatic cancer is a scary thing. Very few people survive. Most die in months and less than 5% live longer than five years.

The good new is that this morning Swayze’s doctor released a statement saying that he only had a small amount of cancer and that his prognosis is relatively good. He is receiving treatment and continues to work on his projects.

So today I have put together a Patrick Swayze Mini tribute.

Patrick Swayze Dancer Extrordanaire

First let me say that even though I have never been a huge Swayze fan, I have always thought that he was an above average male lead in the movies. Even though he can’t seem to be able to keep his shirt on like some other actors *cough, McConnaughey*, I respect the guy.

Let us start with some Rifftrax’ed clips of Swayze’s 80’s cheesefest, Roadhouse:

MST3K’s Patrick Swayze Christmas:

Saturday night live Swayzefest:

And we’ll end with what gave Swayze his start. Dirty Dancing and this music video:

Weird Albert in a can*

* Yes I know his real name is Alfred

THE COOLEST NEWS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just died

That’s right, the two funniest things in the planet are getting together to kill you all on Tuesday February 5. Weird Al Yankovic and Mystery Science Theater 3000. Or more specifically, Weird Al and Mike Nelson with Rifftrax.

Update: They just posted this clip.

Update II: I saw it! Read my review HERE.

It was announced yesterday that Jurassic Park was the latest Rifftrax. When it came out that Weird Al was going to the the guest riffer, I died. It’s true. I am the living dead typing this right now, so I need to finish this article before my fingers start falling off.

He wrote a song about it. Uh, Jurassic Park that is. It’s been stuck in my head all day.

I know that so far I have not expressed to you how freaking awesome Weird AL is. So let me express it now. He rules the universe. Metaphorically speaking, of course. I don’t belong to Weird Al Dianetics or anything. You know, The Church of White and Nerdy.

I first heard of Weird Al while listening to Doctor Demento as a kid. He got his start there. His songs were regularly in the top ten every week.

When he started putting out albums, I started buying them. I didn’t have much money then, so I had to be selective, but I had the food album and I got Alapalooza on DVD. It was the album with the Jurassic Park parody. I listened to that album so many times that I had the songs memorized.

Last year I got quite a surprise when it was announced Weird AL was coming to Idaho falls. I immediately bought tickets and my brother came up from Salt Lake City to go to the concert with me. It was held at the Civic Auditorium. It’s a strange building in that it is an auditorium attatched to the side of a high school. The city rents the building to the high school for use in assemblies and things.

Civic Auditorium

I didn’t know what to expect out of the concert. I had never thought of Weird Al as a live performance type of guy, but the show was brilliant. He had his full band. The Show was well produced, with lazers, smoke effects, and everything.

He did most of the songs off his new album and some of his old stuff. He changed costume maybe twenty times during the show, He came out in the fat suit from his music video for Fat. He had his Jedi costume on for The Saga Begins. It was really cool. Let me tell you as well, the guy has energy. With all the jumping and dancing and running around he did, it was amazing that he could still sing at all.

While we were there Weird Al stated that it was his 1000th show. He said that when they were planning the tour, he reminded his manager that the 1000th show was coming up. He said, “I can’t promise anything, but I might be able to get you in a high school auditorium in Idaho.” Weird Al was like, “That’s perfect!”

I left the concert with a new appreciation for the guy. If only he had done my favorite song from the new album:

When the Rifftrax guys asked who the fans would like to see as a guest riffer, Weird Al was my first choice. I don’t know how many other fans picked him, but February 5th cannot get here fast enough.

So go out and support this Rifftrax project. Buy, borrow, or rent Jurassic Park and buy the Rifftrax. I hope that this is so successful they do it again.

I’ll leave you with some of my favorite Weird Al videos.

Gump: He can really kick his leg over his head like that. I saw him do it live at the concert.

The Drive Thru. Just about the funniest thing he has done.

Here is a more rare one. This is the life from Johny Dangerously:

The Saga Begins At the live concert, he and the band were dressed as Star Wars Characters. He had a bunch of stormtroopers, Darth Vadern and Darth Maul come out on stage during the song as well.

All About The Pentiums. He did this one live too wearing that same outfit.

Weasel Stomping Day. Video by Robot Chicken

And last but not least, here is a song that Weird Al recorded for his last album that the label (Atlantic Records) would not let him use after James Blunt had given him permission.

You’re Pitiful

The White and Nerdy All Donny Osmond version

A treatise on the deadly Earworm

the earworm mistakenly attacking some corn

First of all, thanks to Bill Corbett’s article on the Rifftrax Blog for prompting me to write on this deadly parasite.

The earworm, known by the scientific name of Audioligochaeta, is a parasitic organism that feeds off of feelings of irritation caused by the repetition of musical phrases in the human mind. Through millions of years of evolution, the ringworms have developed the ability to repeat short burst of music that they seem to be able to pick up from radio waves or television signals.

How exactly the earworm gets into the human ear is unknown, though some scientists have extrapolated that they may in fact be so ingrained in the human biology that we contract them from our mothers while in the womb. It is well possible that the reason that some babies cry and cannot sleep all night long is that the earworms are repeating bits and pieces of the latest Christina Aguilera song in their heads.

This is your head with earworms

Earworms reside both in the inner ear and just outside the eardrum. The latest studies have proven that earworm eggs are hatched every time you hear a new song. These eggs can either hatch immediately or lay dormant for hours or days. The lifespan of an earworm is short. Usually they live mere hours, though some have been clocked in at living for well over a week. The number of earthworms living in the human ear is undetermined, but we do know that for the most part, only one adult earworm can feed on the human mind at a time.

A recent study showed that the substance we know as human earwax is actually made up of 50-55% earworm eggs and carcasses.

Location of earworm burial ground

How to get rid of an earworm:

There have been several techniques passed down through the ages, But most have been recently debunked. See Mythbusters. For instance it was shown that drilling a hole in your head will most likely only kill you while allowing the earworms to find new hosts.

In my personal experience being earworm meat my whole life, I can say that best method I have found to get rid of an earworm is by finishing the song in your head. You see the earworm only has an attention span of 10 seconds. So if you sing more than that or especially finish the song in your head, it will often lose interest and wander away.

The worst kind of earworm is one that picks a song you have never heard the ending to, or that you barely know. Fortunately if you can find a copy of the song and listen to it all the way through sometimes the earworm may move on. The internet is very helpful in this case, but it is extremely difficult to get rid of an earworm singing bits of a song that you don’t know the name to.

If this happens, the next best thing is to find an even more catchy song and listen to it. Often this will cause another earworm egg to hatch and if this new earworm is bigger, it just might attack the other one. If you are lucky the two earworms may kill or incapacitate each other so that you are able to go through the day earworm free.

I hope that this article has helped you. Unfortunately there is no cure, though science is working on it as we speak. The best way is to go through your entire life without hearing a single song. Some have said that if you are really boring, I mean extremely boring, I mean more boring that twelve high school english teachers, you may just be immune.

In my opinion though, you would just be plagued by really boring earworms. Endless loops of the Dave Matthews band for instance.

Earworm sample below. Beware, this one is hard to get rid of.

Neil Diamond doesn’t suck so much for me anymore.

Oh lord please no.
To start off my blogging endeavor I thought that I would bring up one of the dark periods in my life, and I do this to prove a point.

My dislike of Neil Diamond and all things Diamond started at a tender age. My Fifth Grade class was assigned a few songs for a show the school was putting on for our parents. Our teacher chose Neil Diamond’s ” America”. He sang the lead and we children sang the chorus.

Till that point in my young life I wasn’t aware that one word could inspire hatred in me, but after singing the word “today” Twelve hundred thousand times in a row for two weeks straight I learned the truth. Neil Diamond became my nemesis. I had nightmares where I was forced to sing “today” over and over again for hours on end. I would then go to school and those nightmares would become a reality.

The teacher would put the music on and my throat would go dry, I would start to wimper. Beads of sweat would break out on my brow. By the hundredth chorus of the word “Today”. my feet were aching, my voice was strained and horse. I didn’t think that the other children were quite as affected by it as I was, but every once and a while one of them would falter or start sobbing and the teacher would make us start over again. (that child was a marked man once recess came, let me tell you.)

The concert finally came and left, but that didn’t change my dislike for all things Diamond. If any of his songs came on the radio. I would angrily shout “Today!” over and over again. (to the dismay of my parents or anyone else listening.) It became something of a mission to me to belittle Neil Diamond in front of anyone that I knew liked him.

As the years rolled by, my dislike for the man didn’t exactly wane, but it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind. (Though I did quote Bill Murray from the film “What about Bob” frequently. “There are two types of people in this world. People who love Neil Diamond and people who hate Neil Diamond”)

Then I met my wife. We had so much in common. We became best friends. We fell in love, got married. Then one day we were at Walmart and she stopped at a CD rack. To my shock, she picked up Neil Diamond’s greatest hits and put it in the cart.

“Are you really going to buy that CD  . . . ‘Today‘?” I asked sarcastically.


“Why would you do that. For the love of all that is holy, why?”

“What? You have a problem with Neil Diamond?”

“He is Satan’s son. That’s right, the spawn of the devil himself. While Satan was in the garden tempting Eve with the apple, Neil Diamond was in the kitchen pooping in Adam’s oatmeal!”

“But I love Neil Diamond. Don’t worry I won’t make you listen to it.”

But she did. She had to listen to it in the car. To my surprise, there were a few of his songs that I actually liked. But when “America” started I made her skip the song. A year later she made me watch “The Jazz Singer.” The movie stunk, but to my surprise I found that I didn’t hate Neil anymore.

To this day, I still cannot stand that song. But I actually have to admit that I like Neil Diamond in general. There is something about his voice . . . . Anyway at the beginning I said that there is a point to my ramblings.

I have since forgotten the point, but I will try to come up with something on the fly.

Get ready, because this is going to be good. This is going to be profound. You are going to finish reading what I am about to say and go, “Wow. This guy is profound. Where does a guy, an every joe like Edgewriter come up with with a statement that makes me feel so complete?”

Okay, crap, I blew it. I raised your expectations too high. Screw it. The point isn’t going to be that great. The basic premise is that, uh  . . . . stuff  . . . changes over time. One day you think that something meaningless is important to you. You might even think that it partially defines you. But in reality it doesn’t. Over time, your feelings will change.

But for now I want to leave you with something that I hope haunts your dreams for a while like it did mine. You deserve it, I’m sure. Just listen to the chorus  . . .”today” . . . . .”Today” . . . “Today . . . . . .