Category: Utah Jazz

Videolink crazytime

Everyone, I am sorry that my posts have been so far between lately. Work and family life are so hectic right now. But I can’t let you down. Time for a Videolink crazytime special.

This first one is a huge childrens anime craze in Japan right now.

The Bottom Biting Bug!

Here is a special live performance.

If you thought our kids were mind-numbed by todays kid’s shows here in America, here is a sample of what the regular Bottom Biting Bug show is like


If you don’t know what Rifftrax is, I told y’all all about it HERE.
Here is the sample video of the Spiderman 3 Rifftrax. You can order the whole thing here:

Oh and for those of you Rifftraxian newbies, here is Mike Nelson’s favorite kids song and constant Rifftrax inside joke, Schnappi.

BTW the next Rifftrax coming out 4/22 is Cloverfield.

Rifftrax Cloverfield

I haven’t seen the movie yet and it comes out on DVD the day the Rifftrax is released so fun time all around next week. Here is the information from

“”What if a monster attacked a city?” This is the shockingly novel concept behind the viral marketing triumph of the year! Filled with “fresh”* performances and “authentic”** cinematography, Cloverfield masterfully takes a page from The Blair Witch Project, reworking the “snotty 20-somethings endure trauma while repeatedly saying ‘dude'” genre into something unique while still being very much the same. Look for star turns by That Girl Who Was in Mean Girls and That One Dude Who Played Eric in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Mike, Kevin and Bill’s RiffTrax was found by the Department of Defense (and then thrown away, but we dug it out of a garbage can.)

*Not very good.

**Not good at all.”

Cool stuff:

The Big Dog robotic Army mule.

This thing rules


It already has parodies:

It is amazing what a kid can do with a personal computer these days.

Slow motion water balloon attack. Cool ad.

The aftermath of a war in candyland.

I love this Robot.

Several People making their own Transformers:

Oh and just in case you didn’t get enough last time, Experience more of the love that is inside Peter Lemongello:

And now older and more experienced, Lemongello will satisfy you in many new and different ways.

No . . . Thank you.

(even if he did get a little William Shatnery)


Since the Playoffs start this weekend and the Jazz are going to win the championship this year, I would be remiss if I didn’t link to this guy’s great highlight videos.

Those are required viewing for those of you who don’t realize why your team is about to be destroyed in the playoffs this year.

Oh, and-


JDC5: The Awakening

Ok, folks. Time for a Junk Drawer Cleanout!!

Junkedy junk

My new short story is in the works. But for now all I can tell you is that it is Bowl of Souls related and that it will concern one of the mysterious characters peripheral to the story. Those of you that have read the book will recognize this character right away.


Two items of note.

1. We have a stupid cat

Yukie Wet

Our black and white cat Yukie has recently decided that she wants to climb to the top of our chimney . . . . from the inside.

I first discovered this when my daughter brought in our black and white cat looking completely black. She was covered in soot. At the time I thought that she had just been laying around in the fireplace, but then it happened again. Mrs. Edge was the one that figured out that the stupid cat could see light in the chimney from inside the fireplace. She was trying to climb up and out.

This morning Mrs. Edge was sitting there when the cat fell out of the chimney. Needless to say, Yukie has gotten a lot of baths lately. Doesn’t she look embarrassed?

Wet cat 2

#2. My baby is still cuter.

I have told you again and again. I even made you a challenge. But for those of you that still don’t believe here is even more evidence. My baby is cuter.

baby dollar

Her hair has been wild and wispy lately. She has never lost the thick hair she was born with, though it has lightened some. So we decided to try and curl it to see what would happen.

Happy baby dollar with curlers

She actually seemed to enjoy having the curlers in her hair, which I thought was weird.

Baby with curlers

At any rate, when we took the curlers out, her hair looked like Gene Wilder’s on a windy day. So we ended up wetting it down and combing it out. But even with crazy Gene Wilder hair, she was cuter.

Regarding WordPress:

In the middle of writing this article last night, WordPress bogged down big time. When I finally got it up and working everything had changed on me. The interface for writing and my dashboard and everything is completely different.

It also screwed with the pictures I had uploaded. So I had to wait until this morning to publish this. It actually looks like an improvement over the old interface though. I’ll just have to get used to it.

The Utah Jazz:


What a fantastic game last night. The Jazz gave the Spurs a beat down. The first half looked a bit hairy, but the Jazz hung in there despite shooting a crappy 37%. Boozer hit a big shot at the buzzer to give us a 2 point lead going into the half.

Memo Looking graceful as usual.

Then in the second half, we caught on fire, both offensively and defensively. We held the spurs to their lowest point total in franchise history and won 90-64.

Boozer and Deron played great, but the two real heroes in the game were Memo and AK. Memo had 17 point sand 16 Rebounds while AK had 10 points, 6 assists, 5 rebounds, 3 steals and a blocked shot. AK was truly everywhere. If only he can keep that up, we could win the championship this year.

There are only 5 games left in the season before the playoffs start. We only need to win one more to clinch a playoff spot. All 5 games are against tough teams.

Spurs watching from the bench where they belong.


The new Rifftrax was just announced. They are riffing Spiderman 3 with guest riffer James Lileks.

Spiderman 3 Rifftrax

I am not too familliar with James Lileks. His website is HERE and evidently his blog is a hit. Also he has a radio show in Minnesota. All I know is the the guys at Rifftrax say he is hilarious and that is good enough for me.

As far as Spiderman 3 goes, I have to admit that I haven’t seen it yet. I own the movie, but have never watched it. I liked Spiderman one and Spiderman 2 was really good, so I am looking forward to watching it both riffed and unriffed.

I will do a Spiderman post as part of my Superhero Movies series some time next week and tell you how it went.

In the meantime, here is a clip from the Rifftrax of Beowulf.

Oh, and before you go, you must have some Bacon.

Vodpod videos no longer available. from posted with vodpod

I know it has been a few days since the last post and I apologize. It has been a hectic few days. Therefore I think a Junk Drawer Cleanout is in order.

Junk drawer emptied

Okay stop the presses. I don’t have a clue how I missed this before, but it is right up my alley and one of the funniest things ever. If you don’t get it you don’t have kids.

Utah Jazz:

Inonsistancy, thy name is Jazz.

Jazz New Team Photo

The Jazz went 2-2 on their road trip this week. They lost the two games that should have been the easiest while winning the two games that were the hardest.

1. We lost the first game to Chicago. We had fresh legs and Chicago is not a very good team this year. They have a losing record and most likely won’t even make the playoffs in the east. We let them get an early lead and waited until the end to try to win it. Unfortunately by that time, they had the confidence they needed to put us away.

2. We beat the Milwaukee Bucks. This was the second night of a back-to-back and the Bucks are a better team than Chicago this year. I guess that we were ticked off about losing the night before though, because we came out strong and put them away in the fourth quarter after they tried to make a comeback.

3. We beat Boston. This was supposed to be the toughest game on the trip. The Celtics have the best record in the league and they had only lost 5 games at home all year. But this is the game our guys were geared up for and we blasted the Celtics for their worst loss of the year. Man was I on a high after this game.
Deron beats Celtics

4. But the high was short lived because we lost to the Nets by one basket the next night. Now this was the fourth game in 5 nights so it was understandable that our energy let down a bit in the fourth, but this is a Net’s team that has a losing record in the east and lost their hall of fame point guard via trade just a month ago.
Utah looses to Nets

So why the distress? This is the tightest playoff contest the western conference has ever seen. Only five games seperate First place from 8th place. We are sitting currently in the fourth spot because we are winning our division but the two teams below us in the ranking actually have a better record than us.

If the playoffs started today, we would face the Spurs who we haven’t beat on the road in like ten years and they would have home court advantage in the first round. THat would be bad. Our guys need to step it up and win home court advantage in that first round if we want to advance anywhere in the playoffs this year.

The sad thing is that I think our team would be a title contender if not for our inconsistant road play. This season we have the best overall team we have had since the last time the Jazz went to the NBA finals. We can beat any team in the NBA quite handily on any given night. We almost never lose at home, (Only three losses at home this season.) but we have a bad road record. (16-21)


This last month has been a bit slow for Rifftrax. They put out a bunch of shorts and did some political ad parodies (You can see some of them on my site Here and Here). But a full Rifftrax has been missing.

(BTW the shorts that they have been releasing on for .99 cents each are absolutely hilarous. Best money you will spend.)

Well tomorrow the first new Rifftrax in a month will be released.

Beowulf Rifftrax

I saw Beowulf for the first time last week and boy did I have mixed feelings about that flick. I will put a full review of both the movie and the Rifftrax of the movie later this week.



Just a heads up.

If I could I would rip that ARM off and hang it over my mantle as a trophy just like Beowulf did to Grendel.


Giant Gila Monster single disk

With it being a slow Rifftrax month I have been watching a lot of the old MST3K episodes again and here are two quick reviews for you.

First of all in an odd kind of situation, Rhino put out it’s last set of MST3K episodes (Volume 10) before the rights to the show switched to a new label (Shoutfactory). In a screw up, they included the classic episode Godzilla VS Megalon. Unfortunately, they did not have the rights to release that movie, so they put out a replacement disk. It is one of my favorite all time episodes, The Giant Gila Monster.

The great thing is that you can order it individually for a limited time for like 8.00. Just click on the link above if you are interested. (I don’t get any money if you do, this is just sharing something cool.) Once they sell out, it will be gone. Who knows when or if that episode will ever be released on DVD again.

The Giant Gila Monster

Man this is one of the best Joel episodes. One of my favorite bits is that they notice that the director always told the actors to put put their legs up on things while they talk to make it look more casual. So whenever one of the characters enter a room, Joel and the bots are guessing when they will put their leg up. This has me laughing every time.

Gila Monster Knee up

One of my favorite scenes is when a Cop and a kid come across an abandoned suitcase on the side of the road left by a hitch hiker that the gila monster ate and Joel says, “Why a smart feller could put a leg up on something like that.”

Last night I watched one I hadn’t seen before called The Starfighters

MSTK Starfighters

This one is a Mike episode and I found it hilarious all the way through. This film was made in conjunction with the US Airforce using tons of real fighter plane footage from peace time. (I’m guessing this was done as sort of a movie length commercial for the Air Force.) It is a story about some new pilots going through training to learn how to fly the “Starfighter”. It’s kind of like Top Gun but there are no enemy planes to shoot at.

Evidently this episode is famous for the looong refueling sequences as seen in the beginning of the video below: (If the following videos aren’t working for you just refresh and click the center of them to go directly to the Youtube video. I don’t know why the link doesn’t work some times.)

Did you notice the 60’s era elevator music? Well it goes on whenever they are flying.

Later in a host segment, Tom and Crow recreate the refueling sequence while crow is on hold with customer service trying go get connected to the internet. (This segment is as shocking as it is funny.) I almost died laughing. It is at the beginning of the video below:

Overall this is one of the best Mike episodes. As lame and uneventful as the film is, the riffing is top notch. I will leave you with the “United Servo Academy Men’s Chorus Hymn”. What I love about this is that Kevin Murphy sang all the parts himself. He is so talented. This is brilliant:

Junky Drawers

Once again my mind is filled with many small things that by themselves are perhaps unworthy of a stand-alone post. But together they make one heck of a mess and that sounds just about right for one of my articles. So let’s get started shall we?

First of all, there has been some confusion about my last article which was about a boy talking to his pet frog who is trying to escape. I apologize for the confusion. And I know that the frog in the video was freaky. Can you imagine walking across your lawn at night and hearing that sound come from near your feet in the darkness? Again I apologize.

Mitchell and Webb

While reading the Rifftrax Blog the other day I came across a youtube video posted by our good pal Bill Corbett. It perfectly illustrates the frustration of a screenwriter pitching his work to hollywood.

It made me laugh several times and I had to seek out more information about the comedians in the sketch. They are called Mitchell and Webb and are big hits in the UK but are relatively unknown in the US.

Their current show “that Mitchell and Webb look” airs on BBC America on the weekends so you can check it out. Here are a few more sample clips to whet your whistle. (Mild expletive warning!)

Nazi officers realizing that they are the bad guys:

A Mr B Natural story gone bad.

Naming a dry cleaners:

Child with a BOOTY for a face:

They are also PC and Mac guys for the UK commercials.


Rifftrax Matrix Reloaded

I finally got around to watching the Rifftrax of Matrix Reloaded the other night with Mrs. Edge. We both enjoyed it immensely. They ripped appart the massively stupid sex/rave scene that took up half of the film for one. They also accurately picked the moment in the film where the Matrix franchise jumped the proverbial shark.

Oh and for you insiders, bacon jokes are scattered throughout along with the obligatory Schnappi reference.

The original Matrix Rifftrax is the one that started it all for me and the second one is even better.

Also, the Riffers have taken on some new political ads. Here are a couple of my favorites:

There are more on my previous political post.

Completely 100% not not true:

In my previous article on the history of Asparagus Pee I left out one interesting factoid.

Island of Bhuti

On the island of Bhuti in the Indian Ocean, the Palahunga tribe makes many of varieties of distinctive dyes. These dyes are made from the various plant and insect species native to the island and are highly sought over by yarn manufacturers for their brilliant colors.

The most sought after of these dyes is called Bhutipee #5. It is a gorgeous deep purple hue and sells for over 150 dollars per ounce. (Which, being highly concentrated can actually dye 10 skeins of high quality alpaca yarn.) These skeins of yarn can sell for $50-100 each. (No, Mrs. Edge! Put the credit card down and back away slowly . . .)

Bhutipee Alpaca yarn

What is very interesting is that the beautiful purple hue of this yarn comes from a mixture composed from the musk glands of a beetle native to the island (The Bhuti Beetle) and asparagus pee.

How did such a thing come to pass?

Asparagus was brought to the islands in the 1700’s by british explorers coming out of India. The lush climate on the island was perfect for the growth of Asparagus and the vegetable flourished. It grew so well there in fact that it became seen by the inhabitants as a weed. Still there were some of the tribe that enjoyed the flavor of this new vegetable.

As the story goes, one day a dyemaker’s son was stepped on a bhuti beetle and the stink of the beetle clung to him. In order to get rid of the musk from a bhuti beetle, the traditional method is to pee on it. Something in the urine counteracts the smell. Evidently this time when the boy peed on it, his foot turned purple. He screamed and though he had contracted some horrible skin disease, but over time they realized that it was something else. His foot had become dyed purple.

Bhutipee purple dye

Now being a tribe of dye makers, it occured to them to find out where this beautiful purple came from. The musk of a bhuti beetle is quite colorless normally and they had never seen this result before. It took the quite a while to realize that the reason his foot had turned purple was because he had eaten large quantities of asparagus before stepping on the beetle and even though his urine was yellow and the beetle musk was colorless, a chemical reaction in the musk turned the urine that delightful purple color.

Utah Jazz:

Kyle Korver Girlfriend sighting:

Leave Kyle Korver Alone!

I have been asked to leave Deformio alone by this lady above. She wouldn’t say, but I am almost sure it is Kyle Korver’s girlfriend. I know that some of you have told me that this is a guy, but anyone with that voice is 100% woman.

On a side note, Deformio has come out of his shooting slump in the last couple games and has been ripping the nets for the Jazz. It was in large part thanks to him that we beat Dallas and Detroit recently.

Go Deformio!

Junk drawer #2

It has been several days since my last post and I feel guilty. The thing is that no one thing has sparked my interest enough to do a full article on. And, to tell the truth, that Crispin Glover research burned me out. So I have several small things of interest to compile together in to one big mess. Enjoy.

IceHole Report:

Over the last week or so, it has been just warm enough for the gigantic piles of snow to begin melting, but cold enough that it freezes before it can drain anywhere. So depending on the time of day, there are either deep pools of black water to drive through or long sheets of black ice. Yay Idaho!

It has still been snowing off and on, but it usually melts by the end of the day. Therefore my philosophy has been “Why Shovel?”. Unfortunately sometimes this is a bad philosopy and even though my driveway is mostly clear, my sidewalks are coated in ice. Yay me!


Matrix Rifftrax

So lately the Rifftrax releases have been a bit sparse. The rapid pace of one new Rifftrax a week has settled down and it has been one every other week. But yesterday I saw a new short on the Rifftrax Site.

Then on the Rifftrax Blog I read a new interview with Mike in which he said that they had been busy riffing a DOZEN shorts. These shorts will cost .99 on their site and will be fully downloadable via Divx. Now this is big news for any of you MST3K fans out there. The shorts are some of the funniest things that MST ever did and the Rifftrax guys do them just as well.

Here is a MST3K short to wet your whistle:

or two: (With Mellissa Gilbert)

I’m not going to post any Rifftrax shorts because I don’t want to take away their money. Instead I will plead with you to buy some trax on your own so that they will keep making more. I assume that the Dozen shorts they completed will be doled out over time on the Rifftrax site so keep your eyes out for more.

I took their latest one and remastered it to go on at the beginning of my Rifftrax DVD of Star Trek V. Mrs. Edge and I watched it last night and it was hilarious. The short was great and Mike and Kevin’s riffing of Trek was superb. Mike does a great Sulu impression by the way.

The only thing was that they truly seemed to hate the movie. Usually, the jokes are light hearted, but this one reminds me of the Rifftrax of the Star Wars prequels. The venom spewed at Shatner for directing this subpar film is acrid. Hilarious but acrid. It will be interesting to watch the other Trek Riffs and see if they are as intense.

Oh and I bought the Matrix Reloaded Riff but I haven’t watched it yet.


Doller Pie

The fambly is doing well. Pie Girl has been sick the last couple of days with some kind of virus. She mopes around. Thank goodness she stopped all the moaning when she found it hurt her sore throat. So now it is quiet moping. Thank goodness.

The Doller girl ate baby food for the first time this week. Mmmmmmm carrots.

Carrot face

Now only a tiny amount of what you see actually got down her throat but she seemed happy to be trying it out.

Carrot eating grin

Utah Jazz:

Sorry Girls, no update on Kyle Korver’s girlfriend.

Well, I lied.

Girfriend sighting:

Kyle Korver Girlfriend

Hah! I kill Me!

If the playoffs started today, Utah would have the #4 seed and we would be playing the New Orleans Chris Pauls. That is a pretty favorable situation because we own those losers. Deron Williams always get up to play against his old buddy Christophine.


I have to share a site with you guys. It is These are the short films of Mitchell Rose and they are fantastic. Here are a couple of samples. Hilarious stuff.

And I’ll leave you with this one. My favorite.

Junk drawer

As any of my regular readers know, I am not a mini-blogger. I don’t post a sentence or paragraph a day. I tend to write essays or large articles. Hence there are a lot of subjects that I have an interest in that I don’t get around to writing about.

So sad

I know. This is a travesty. But cheer up. Today I unleash an ongoing feature where I unclog my mind of a lot of the cool junk that I can’t quite bear to throw away. My mental junk drawer if you will.

I will tackle it within the framework of my regular categories.


My parenting style is simple. I’ll call it Clown-style. I joke around with my kids constantly. I know each child more than well enough to know what will make them laugh. So this has become my techinque to call situations down. If they are sad or angry, I tease them mercilessly until they laugh about it. The upside is that they think I am hilarious. The downside is that some times I tease them a bit too much.

My wife is afraid that they will end up with issues.

Anyhoo, my latest way to deal with tantrums is “The Monster Face”

making the Monster Face

Whenever I have a child crying about something unreasonable. I yell “Ah! Run away, he’s turning into a monster!”

“No I’m not!”

Monster face

“Then why are you making the ‘Monster Face’?”

“I’m not!”

“Oh yeah? They why do you look like this?”

I then do a crazy impression of the face they were making. This seems to calm them down. Especially when their siblings agree that that was indeed the face they were making.

They have all come to know it so well, they will call each other on it. “Ooh, you’re making the monster face.”

It has gotten to the point where calling them out on their “Monster Face” makes them instantly try to regain control of themselves and calmly reply, “No I am not.”

MST3K and Rifftrax:

Rifftrax has announced that their new project is The Matrix Reloaded and it will be released on Tuesday Feb 19.

Matrix Reloaded Rifftrax

I am looking forward to this one. I love the first Matrix film. In fact it is one of my favorite all-time movies. I also really enjoyed the Rifftrax version of that one. In fact I had resisted having anything to do with Rifftrax until I saw this scene on YouTube.

I almost died laughing during the Kung Fu training scene and I showed it to Mrs. Edge who was also laughing her head off. Thus began my rapid spiral into obession with all things Rifftrax.

So if Mike Nelson and the boys can win me over by mocking the good one, I am excited to see what they do with the second Matrix film that wasn’t nearly as good as the first.

On a similar note, getting into Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic has opened my heart up to other Mystery Science Theater related projects.

Here are a Few of them that have impressed me.

ESPN’s Cheap Seats:

I don’t know how I missed out on this one since it was the only mainstream MST3K related project around on television. Basically the premise is that two brothers work in the ESPN video library and mock old sports related clips.

It is hilarious stuff. The show ran on ESPN Classic from 2004 to 2006 and had four seasons. The episodes have not been released on DVD but they are available through torrent sites. Too bad so many of us MST3K fans missed this one. They didn’t forget about us. There was even an episode of season two where Mike and the bots made an appearance. See below.

Fun With Shorts by Josh Way:

I have never been much for fan fiction or fan imitation of television shows. Therefore I had pretty much stayed away from the MST3K imitators. Something we call fan riffing. But I ran across one of Josh Way’s short film riffs and I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear. And laugh like crazy of course. This is the one that got me.

Josh has done a ton of these public domain short films and you can even order them from him in DVD collections. I have had to seek them all out and watch them. They are great. I would love to see Rifftrax invite him on as a guest riffer.

Check out this one that surprisingly stars a young Darren McGavin (The dad from The Christmas Story)

The Utah Jazz:

As popular as Deformio is on my site, he takes a back seat during NBA All-Star Weekend because he decided not to show.

But we have six Jazz players that are involved in some way or another with the All-Star festivities.

Ronnie Brewer and Paul Milsap participated in the Rookie-Sophmore challenge on TNT last night and it was pretty fun. They were bench players for the sophmore team and did pretty well. Ronnie ended up with 13 points in 17 minutes and Paul had a nice block, but they aren’t really the kind of players that are spotlighted by this kind of game.


Our guys are team players. Ronnie can be flashy at times with his athleticism and Thunderous dunks, but these guys are trained to pass the ball and spread the floor within the Jazz system. They aren’t prone to the kind of selfish play that puts you in the spotlight. It was okay though. They looked like they were having fun.

Ronnie Brewer headband

The Dnews had an article this morning teasing Ronnie about wearing a headband during the game. That isn’t allowed under team rules during regular games.

Later today our two rookies, Morris Almond and Kyrylo Fesenko will take part in the D-league Allstar game This will be fun because we haven’t been able to see much of their play this year as they have been in the D-league instead of traveling with the team.


Morris Almond has been rocking the D-league this year and is the leading scorer. He has had two 50+ point games and one of them was the D-league record with 57 pts. I will update this article if anything amazing happens.

Update: Morris had 20 points on 8-10 shooting. Fes had 14 pts and 8 rebounds. Their team won 117-99

Morris Almond Joy

Deron Williams was snubbed for the Allstar game this year, but he was invited to take part in the Skills Challenge. This is basically an obstacle course for basketball. He is well suited for this kind of event so this should be fun.

Update: Wow. Deron Williams won the skills challenge with a time of 25.5 seconds. Now at the skills challenge, they announced that he had made a new record time but in the morning papers they said that he was one tenth of a second away from breaking the record.

Deron Rules

Then on Sunday, Carlos Boozer will be in the Allstar Game. Again I will update the article if he astounds us.

Update: He had limited minutes but made the best of them, scoring 14 points and racking up 10 rebounds, one of only two players with a double double in the game. Unfortunately he is not Mr. Flashy so the coaches didn’t give him much time to pad his stats.

Carlos Boozer kicks anus

Also last night, Karl Malone made an appearance on Inside the NBA to get after Charles Barkley about making fun of his draft-night suit for all these years. Man I miss Karl Malone. See the hilarity ensue:

Video Games:

I am a big RPG fan. I love all things Final Fantasy for instance. Here are the unfinished games on my shelf:

Fanal Fantasy 12. Ever since I have gotten my Xbox 360 I have not went back and finished this Playstation 2 game. I really need to.

Oblivion. This game rules. I bought the add-ons and have beaten most of the side quests. I have not finished the main quest of the game yet, but I was so burnt out on it that it has been sitting for a while.

Two Worlds. This is a game with so much potential that fell short. I love the play style and many of the dynamics of it but I have never beaten the game. I could probably do so easily but in trying to explore every inch of the game, I burnt myself out on it also. Now if only they release that expansion that is supposed to fix many of the broken aspects of the game, I might be able to get back into it.

Blue Dragon. I just bought this game last week and so far I am having fun with it. It is pretty kind of cartoony and reminds me of the earlier Final Fantasy games. This makes sense because it was created by several of the original Final Fantasy guys. The game is also huge. It is three DVD disks long. I can’t quite figure out why they needed that much space yet, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Mass Effect. I really enjoyed the depth of this game but it felt a little short to me. It was made by the people behind the two Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic games and it has a similar feel minus the lightsabers. I beat it once and have started back through it on the Hardcore setting. Good Game. Looking forward to the sequel.

Deformio’s Dirty Undies

Kyle Korver in Fresher Times

No I am not selling any. Geez ladies.

But according to this morning’s Deseret News, Kyle Korver has been wearing the same underwear for 45 days. Oh you heard me right. But don’t take it from me. Listen to Kyle:

Kyle Korver's Underwear

“I had some friends just kind of go in my closet and grab some stuff and ship it out. But it’s just, like, the little things that you don’t want them digging through … little stuff like that that I haven’t had in the last 45 days. Like … clean drawers.”

Because you know that in Salt Lake city they don’t sell underwear. Maybe an NBA player wouldn’t be caught dead buying them in bulk at Walmart, but SLC has plenty of upscale stores where a Baller could purchase some Shaq-brand silk drawers. Heck Andre Kirilenko’s wife would probably sell him some. Wouldn’t that be preferable to wearing the same pair for 45 days?

Maybe he is just doing it in an attempt to keep the defenders off him. It isn’t working, though. They stick to him like glue. He has to scrape them off on Matt Harpring to get open.

The other thing that Salt Lake is missing is dry cleaners. Actually folks I am just kidding around with Deformio. There are plenty of dry cleaners available.

Here is a list.

City Dry Cleaners – – (801) 466-2241

Henrie’s Dry Cleaners – – (801) 328-8789

Red Hanger Cleaners: Stores – – (801) 532-7143

Classic Cleaners – – (801) 355-1725

One Hour Martinizing – – (801) 466-3010

Kyle they may even restore your old underpants here:

Henrie’s Dry Cleaners: Certified Restoration – (801) 363-2653

Ok, now you may be wondering why I am savaging one of my favorite players. You see, folks according to that article it looks like Kyle was actually extended an invitation to be part of the 3-point shooting contest at the NBA Allstar game and declined because he still wanted to pick up some stuff he left behind in Philly and didn’t want his friends going through his underwear drawers. Link to same Desnews article HERE.

So our good pal Deformio skips out on the 3-point shootout for underwear? Why? Do we no longer have moving companies in America that a multi million dollar player could afford to use? Maybe there just aren’t any in Philladelphia. Let me check . . . Oh wait:

Kyle Korver Movers

Mambo Movers – – (215) 670-9535

Goggin Moving & Storage – – (215) 877-7618

Movers by Old City Movers – – (267) 205-5209

Alacrity Equipment Movers – – (215) 825-7696

The A-Team Movers – – (215) 232-8326

Fox Piano Movers Inc – – (215) 592-8411

Apioneer Moving Systems – – (215) 493-8296

Advance Storage Company: Toll Free Outside PA 1-800 523-2723 (215) 765-6500

Extra Space Storage: Philadelphia – – (215) 455-2880

Penske Truck Rental Philadelphia – – (215) 922-2702 –

As a fan, I would have liked to see Kyle Korver Kick butt in the 3-point contest. Instead we get Kobe, Richard Hamilton, Daniel Gibson, Jason Kapono, and Nash. Some of those guys belong in that contest but I think Korver could have beat them all.

Now my wife just grabbed me by the ear and said, “Blah blah rah rah blah yadda blah rah!”


She told me to tell you guys what is possibly the other side of the story. She says that she is sure that Kyle just wants to go and see his family and put his life in order. He has been living in a hotel since coming to the Jazz for goodness sake. With all the games and travel and practices, he hasn’t been able to stop and breathe, much less do his laundry. Besides, he minght need to spend time with his family or girlfriend or whatever. In conclusion “Blah Yadda Blah Blah.”

BTW, possible Kyle Korver girlfriend sighting here folks:

Kyle Korver Girlfriend

Well all I know is that since being on the Jazz, Kyle has helped stabilize the team. We have gone 17-3. That’s frickin’ awesome. He kicks butt and takes names. Even if his shooting touch is still just a little off, that still makes him one of the best shooters in the league.

So is it selfish for me to want to see him beat the crap out of Kobe in the 3-point shooting contest?

Oh wait, I have another possible Kyle Korver girlfriend sighting. Or should I say Girlfriends? That’s right, guys. He’s got TWINS!!!

Kyle Korver Girlfriends

Deformio lays down the law, son. Kyle Korver Update

Deformio about to slap the crap out him

Our good pal Deformio is kicking booty and taking names as the newest member of the Utah Jazz. Since Korver’s trade to the Jazz on December 29, we have gone 11-2. It’s an awesome record to be sure.

How much of the winning record is due to Deformio’s skills is hard to say. What was supposed to be his greatest attribute, his three point shooting, has been off and on so far. But several other factors have come into play to make him a key addition to the team.

1. He spreads the floor.

Despite how off his 3 point shooting has been, teams know his reputation. They always seem to keep a man on him, giving our other guys more room to work inside.

2. His defensive skills were highly underrated.

Deformio has surprised all of us with his tenaciousness on defense. He sticks to mis man and moves laterally probably better than anyone else on the team. He is also a hustle guy, averaging a steal at least once a game and he has also averaged about one block a game, which was a huge surprise for me.

3. The Chick Factor

Looking more Kutchery

For some reason, the chicks go nuts for Deformio. His one eye slightly higher than the other and his cockeyed smile drives the lady folk bonkers. This helps the team, because at home the girls are screaming like crazy, making the arena louder than before. On the road, they cheer for our team instead of theirs whenever he is on the floor.

4. His free throw shooting and midrange jumper.

Despite his 3 point struggles, Deformio is as close to perfect as anyone can get from the freethrow line. Not to mention how great he is with that mid range jumper. Man can he get them up fast. If ony he could get that 3 pointer falling more often . . .

5. His all around good guy style.

Korver is great for the locker room. The other guys don’t feel so bad about their own looks when he is in the room. AK and Memo probably don’t feel half as ugly with Deformio around.

Here is an example of why he is good for the locker room. He knew when he was coming in to the team that he was going to take some other guy’s minutes. So he made it a point to go to CJ Miles and Brewer and tell them, Hey, I am a team guy. I’m rooting for you do do well when you are on the floor. I’m not trying to usurp your spot in the rotation. I think that going out of his way to do that has helped keep the guys from resenting him too much.

6. Addition by subtraction. Gira is gone.

Gira hurt the team in several subtle ways. Gira never ran the plays. He disrupted our offense constantly. He turned the ball over with his stupid Euro-travel at least once or twice a game. When he was sent to the bench, he would complain to his team mates about it, disrupting the team spirit that needs to be there in order to play your best. And when COY (Coach Sloan) kept him on the bench because of his antics, we were forced to play guys at the position (Fish, Harp, etc . . .) that were not right for the teams we were facing.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not giving Deformio sole credit for our recent winning ways. Guys all over the team have been stepping up. AK has been playing at his former all star level. Memo has decided to make some shots for a change. Deron and Boozer have even stepped up their play which is hard to do when you are already playing at such a high level.

For an example, of Deformio’s value to the team let’s take a look at our most recent game:

We were playing the San Antonio Spurs, The defending NBA champs. They knocked us out of the playoffs last year and we have always struggled to beat thim. This was a big game for us also because by winning, we would be at the top of our division and back in the playoff race.

Deron, Booze and Ak had fantastic nights. While Korver only had 8 points on 3-7 shooting. On the other side, Gonobli, who never makes a foul,
Why a smart man could put a leg up on a thing like that.
had a great game, scoring 29 points on us. Korver did as good a job on him as anyone ever does with that freak of nature, but where he shone was in the final minutes.

We had led most of the night, but the Spurs got within two. With the game on the line, Deformio hit a technical free throw and a three pointer, giving us back enough of a lead that we were able to win the game.

Deformio always seems to do just enough to hold up his end of the team and that’s what makes me happy that we got him. We’ll keep an eye on Deformio and his continuing contributions to the team, but for now it looks like he is a star rising in Utah.

In conclusion, I know it’s early but let me leave the ladies with a little valentines treat. Sorry, i couldn’t find one with Jazz Uniform.

Have some Deformio for Valentines

I found another picture of Kyle Korver’s girlfriend below

Sorry he's taken

*Hides head in shame knowing I am a total google whore*

Sorry, it is just after midnight, and I saw this pic on the Deseret News site and just had to say “Huh?”. Then I burst out laughing and woke my three year old.

Was this photo there earlier in the day? Because I have no idea why I didn’t see it. Desnews caption is “Utah’s Ronnie Brewer is stopped while driving to the basket in Thursday’s win over the Suns.”

Yeah, I’ll say stopped. It has to be a foul when some guys hold your arms behind your back while another one uses the ball to take away your hope of progeny.

Seriously, why use this picture at all? Ronnie Brewer had his best scoring game of the year with 21 Pts and 6 rebounds. Sure he didn’t have any steals, but does that justify making a blow to the groin the lead picture. Save that one for private parties. or to show around the office. Obviously someone (Staff photographer Jeffrey Allred) thought they were funny. (And they were.)

Here are some of the other pics they had available to choose from.
Oh how nice. For me?
Booze looks real happy, just before Memo takes one of his 14 boards. Booze ended up with only 1. That has to be a season low.
Just one kiss? Please!
Memo doing his best Alan Cumming Impression. Alan Cumming flavored cologne for European Men.
Who dealt that one?
And Deron Williams with the most painful looking layup of his career.

Ok, so maybe they didn’t have that many great pics to choose from since this game was such a disaste-

Oh, wait. Going by the looks of those pics I thought we lost.

Utah won by 22 points for goodness sake. Maybe considering all the factors they could have chosen a picture more appropriate.
Like maybe this one.
Ronnie with one of his 50 dunks of the night.

What is it with sports photos anyway? Look at your newspaper or their online site after the game. Do NBA players all grimace that brutally during every play?

Here are more pics from our previous game. (Again a blowout win. this time against the Pacers. You wouldn’t know it from the pics they choose to publish.) These are also from the Dnews.

Deformio getting nailed
Here Deformio gets the back of Diogu’s hand.

Dude, Your pits . . .why?
I think Ronnie took another groin hit just before the pic was taken. You can see Jermaine O’neil’s hand moving away from the impact.

Wait, just to make sure this isn’t only the Dnews. lets try the Trib.
Wait, I'll catch you.
This dunk was so easy, Memo had to do it sarcastically.
Well, at least they show us scoring.
What about this one?
Oh Mammy
No, this is just the way the world thinks the Utah team looks. Shame on the Trib for that one. (Actually that pic is kind of a microcosm of Salt Lake City. Hot chicks and old white guys wearing ties.)
Sure coach, here I am going after the ball, Doi!
Ok so Ronnie gets nailed in the groin and Memo has Jim Carrey face. It must be like that every game.
Actually most of the Trib photos are pretty nice.
Deformio makes his one 3 of the night

So maybe it is the Frickin’ Dnews.


Deformio not too bad . . . dio

Deformio. Or Mr. Good Lookin to the ladies.
Ok so I called Kyle Korver Deformio in my last Jazz post and I have taken some heat for that. Don’t get me wrong. I like the guy despite the fact that his face is misshapen. The reason I find it so funny is I seem to be the only one that can see it. Everyone else thinks he is some kind of stud.

Proof in point. Everywhere he goes, the girls seem to go crazy. They hold up signs in the arenas saying “Kyle will you marry me?” One of the most popular Kyle Korver searches on google is “Kyle Korver Girlfriend?”.

Pictured Below
Kyle Korver's girlfriend. Deformette
(Update: Ever since publishing this article, I have had over 3 hits a day on this site via a google search for “Kyle Korver Girlfriend.” No Lie)

The other thing is the Ashton Kutcher Debate.
When he came to Utah last week, the Salt lake media filled their papers with jokes about how much he looks like Ashton Kutcher. Here
Potato or Potahtoe
They mention it in every game telecast. They ask him about it in every interview. It has to be annoying for the man. But you know what, he takes it in stride. He doesn’t act too irritated when they mention it. (Who knows. Maybe he Likes it.)

But that’s not why I started this article. The truth is, despite his looks, Kyle Korver is a good guy and a great fit for the Utah Jazz.

He has only played in a few games for us so far and is still learning our plays, but the guy makes a difference when he is on the floor. He hustles and tries to do everything right. His reputation on defense was that he was weak, but he has been blocking shots and deflecting passes and generally being a nuisance to the other team.

No! My ball!

His minutes have been limited as he is learning the offense, but when he is on the floor, the other team has to watch him. They know his reputation as a great shooter and that means that Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer have more room to work inside.

We needed that and badly. The Jazz had a horrible time of it lately. We were winning big early on going 12-5, then we lost 11 of our next 14. Yeah, big ouch. But since Kyle Korver has been in the lineup, we have gone 3-1. Now I’m not saying that he is the sole reason for our wins, but he does give us a dimension that we didn’t have before.

I’m sure that our other two guards, Ronnie Brewer and CJ miles, don’t like the fact that they have someone new on the team to compete for minutes. Brewer has alluded to it once in the press already. Korver seems to be aware of this because he has already approached them to say that he is rooting for them. I don’t know how much good that has done, but I hope that they work things out. The most important thing is wins, and Korver definitely helps us in that category. A big improvement over Man Purse.

For some interesting info about Deformio, and loads of pictures for the ladies, see his site here.