The Great Carb War

For centuries, humans coexisted peacefully with The Carb. We had a relationship much like the Egyptian Plover and the Crocodile.

The Egyptian Plover cleans the crocodile of parasites and bits of rotten flesh and detrius in it’s teeth. In return, the crocodile doesn’t eat it. Thus the Plover gets a good meal and the crocodile doesn’t develop a potentially deadly infection.

Much like the Plover, we tended The Carb whilst at the same time living off of it. We tended fields of wheat and sugar cane. We grew acres of corn and potatoes, using insecticides and fertilizers to kill the parasites and give The Carb the nutrients it needed. In return, The Carb did not eat us. Thus we got a good meal and The Carb grew strong and powerful.

Then we got cocky. We were so used to The Carb letting us have our way, that we grew careless. Maybe this irritated The Carb, who knows? Only one thing is certain, The Carb started to bite.

As we humans became fat and lazy off of The Carb, we started to die off by the millions. We couldn’t explain why we were dying. Our governments demanded action. Our scientists underwent ardurous research. No one even noticed that those scientists were living off of coffee and Krispy Kremes.

And what did these Carb-influenced scientists come up with? They blamed The Fat and Lack of Exercise. That’s right, our own domesticated pets.

Poor Fat. One day The Fat is invited to our Thanksgiving meal. The next day, it is branded a traitor. Lack of Exercise, who has always been on uneasy terms with us humans thrown to the dogs as well.

Meanwhile The Carb grinned it’s toothy grin and continued to flourish.

We humans panicked. Gyms sprang up everywhere. Doctor’s prescribed low Fat, high Carb diets. The Carb’s attack’s grew more and more frequent. Diabetes raged throughout the world.

Then a few brave souls woke up. They noticed how sharp the teeth of The Carb were getting. They threw out their bread. They stopped drinking their soda. They accepted The Fat back into their arms wholeheartedly. The World Scoffed. They called it folly. They said that Humans consorting with The Fat were just asking for death. The Carb sat on their doorsteps begging to be let back in.

When The Fat didn’t kill those people, more joined them. It was an uprising of huge proportions. People had finally taken up arms against The Carb.

Battle raged for a time. It was a civil war. Brother was pitted against brother. Doctor against doctor. Scientist VS scientist. When the dust settled, the human race was more wary of The Carb.

The war isn’t over. The Carb still attacks. We still fight back. Skirmishes break out every day.
We have no choice but to live with this beast. We have become just as dependant on it as it is on us.

Only time will tell how this will turn out. But spread the word. Beware The Carb.
What you think is this:

Is really this: