Are you sure you want to do this? Truly?

Well before you do, there are some things you may want to consider. What about our friendship? What about the many years we spent lollygagging around? The eating contests. The diving competitions. What about those?

Remember that time we went to the fair and you fell? It was scary wasn’t it? Did you think you would die? I caught you that time, but will I be there next time you fall off the ferris wheel? Think about that.

Green frog

If you do what you are thinking about doing it might be over between us. No more jumping hopping or skipping together. No more trips to the museum.

What about that?

Do you really want to go to the museum alone. All those people walking around looking at old stuff without me there with you. That old lady with the gigantic purse. What does she have in that purse anyway? She could probably keep four Monopoly sets in there.

She probably has Simpsons Monopoly, Star Wars Monopoly, Nascar Monopoly, and the 30th aniversary edition Monopoly in there. Do you seriously want to go to the museum without me there to point that out?

Frog school

There might be large families at the museum. Two parents with six kids. The mom might be carrying the baby carelessly with one arm while chasing a three year old away from the dinosaur bones. The oldest teen might be texting her boyfriend while the second oldest teases her relentlessy about it.

All the while the dad looks tired and foot-sore. You can tell that he doesn’t want to be there. The mom probably dragged him away from watching football for this. He half-heartedly tries to keep the kids in line, but by the way he keeps checking his watch you know he has plans elsewhere.

But if you do what you are planning, I won’t be there to stop you from tripping the seven year old that stuck his gum on the marble statue of President Washington. What would happen then? would the tired dad notice? Would the mother look at you with horror in her eyes? How long would the seven year old lay on the floor in shock before rolling over and looking at you with accusing eyes? Do you want that on your concience?


If you do as you are planning there will be no more jumping on my trampoline. That’s right, I won’t bounce you higher. I know you think you are a great jumper and all, but let me tell you a secret. All those times that you thought you had jumped a new record, I totally gave you that bounce.

No more checker tournaments. No more badmitton. No more rock skipping at the lake.

And next Thanksgiving I’m totally not eating your pie for you.

That’s right.

Grandma Edna will keep scooting the plate closer to you, but I wont take the piece while she isn’t looking. I love pecan pie but I can get my own piece. Granny’s eyes will look at you with a questioning gaze. Her eyebrows will raise in concern, crinkling her forehead. She will ask you why you aren’t eating that slice of pie. The pie that Gransy made with her own withered hands.

She picked those pecans out at the store. She made that pie crust with her own recipe. She toasted the pecans. She poured the sugar. She hummed those old 40’s dance tunes while she worked. The whole time it was cooking, she thought about how much you loved her pie. She knew that you would eat it up, crumbs and all. Then you would thank her and give her a sugary kiss on the cheek.

But not this year. Not if you do as you plan. You know she won’t take the “I am full” excuse either. Do you want to break her poor old heart?

Frog in water

So stop and think about what you are doing. Judy won’t call anymore after this. Billy won’t play ball with you. Remember Elisabeth, that shy girl who kissed your firehead at the picnic and left that red smear of lipstick? She won’t do that again. Not after this

I won’t be there to comfort you either. Sure you might enjoy the solitude for a while. Maybe for a short time you might relish the thought that no one will tease you anymore. But when that brief moment has passed and you start missing us, it will be too late. You won’t get us back. Not again.

Last time you tried this we forgave you. I took you to the mall with me the very next day. Sure you almost got thrown out, but that was good times. That security guard chased us, but we were too fast for him. He must have been like eighty pounds overweight. He might be fast enough to catch that old lady we saw sneaking that candy bar into her purse, but not us. All he could do was clutch his side and bend over, breathing heavily while talking into his walkie talkie. No one saw us go out the side door of the JC Pennys.

Who knows what would have happened if he had caught you. Would you be banned from the mall? Would he have called your parents. By the look of that guy he might even have eaten you. You escaped that time with my help. But not again.

But all that’s in the past. Your plans will make sure we don’t have that kind of fun again. So let me ask you one last time,

Are you sure you want to do this?

sad frog